Whew
Just got back from fueling Samantha Jones and washing her windows. Christ. My heart started thumping as I did the “gas dance,” otherwise known as trying-to-fuel-one’s-car-in-the-metro-Washington-area. This zig-zagging shit that they recommend we do with our bodies is kinda difficult when you’re trying not to get gasoline on your clothes. Cripes.
I heard that search warrants are being served throughout the United States right now, in relation to this case. Headline News is breaking it right now; they’re talking about Washington state right now. Hmm. I also heard earlier today that the person calling the tip line, identifying himself as the sniper, has an accent that could possibly be technology-induced. I’ll bet it isn’t a fake. I’ll bet it’s a sock over a receiver that’s muffling his voice, but it’s a real accent. Experts think it’s an American-born Hispanic. Hmmm. It’s probably that guy who dropped his drawers on the dance floor at Nation, who was begging me to give him a hand job. Heh.
Shan and I were saying that instead of picking off random citizens, Sniperoo needs to be introducing his bullets to meter maids, who snipe us (pun intended) for $50 for expired meters and $15 for missing tax stickers. Whaddaya think, Sniperoo? Help us out a bit.
One last comment about this: Our gas prices are only down two cents. Why?!?! Nobody’s going to the gas stations, for cripes’ sake. Apply the laws of supply and demand, guys … and being that Alexandria is literally crawling with police (I had three cars within my line of vision at the pump), people will be more inclined to come out and fuel up. Just a humble suggestion. 🙂
Another sniper-related issue: our guards are down, while our sniper-radar is going up. I no longer put my Club on my steering wheel, just so I can make a quick getaway if I hear gunfire as I approach my car. I still hold my purse and cell phone protector close to me, but I’m so busy watching wooded areas and dancing through parking lots that someone could say, “Boo!” to me and I’d probably drop my phone and have my purse snatched out of my hand. We’re so worried about being gunshot victims that we forget that it would be much more likely to be mowed down by a psychotic D.C., Maryland or Virginia driver.
So many people are worried about “copycat” killings … I’m more worried that the sniper has caused other potential perpetrators to contemplate sliding into action in their own ways … after all, if they aren’t popping people off from 300 yards away, who’s gonna say anything about a little pickpocketing offense?
I just heard that a tree stump confiscated from behind the house in Tacoma, Wash., is about to be put on a plane and flown to D.C. I just commented to IKEA Boy that the stump, which will be pampered and escorted, is being treated better than we will ever be. 🙂
Quick work update: Jackie will never put me on a media project again, and Yellow-Haired Bitch has realized (thanks to Shan) that Jackie appointed us to do her work; we didn’t knowingly step on her pointy little toes. She’s happier now. Not that I gave a shit in the first place. But it’s a bummer about me losing the media component of my job (I won’t go into it here as to why), but at least this one experience broke up the monotony of my usual routine. Oh well. Shan and I finally realized how people acquire the “lifer” mentality … and we’re dangerously close to resigning ourselves to it.
Our president told me that the interview on Headline News went very well this morning; he wanted to thank me for making it happen. He said that they asked all the right questions (thanks to Shan and I having Jackie call CNN in advance, to discuss talking points) and that it was very fluid. Hah. The prez even gave Shan a big hug in front of Jackie, to thank her for her work on this debacle, and he asked her to give me a hug from him as well. Unfortunately, I slept through it (I even slept with the TV on, so that I could wake up and see it). Shit. Oh well. I’ll live. I’ll be Yellow-Haired Bitch missed it too.
In other news, I’ve exchanged at least two rounds of e-mail with hot Matt from the press conference. If nothing else, I’m building my contact base so that I can possibly get my own business launched. And if I get more (i.e., a date), I certainly won’t be upset!