Welcome back, Goddess

A photographer, I am not. All you have to do is look at any of my cat photos on Flickr to realize that.

And yet, I live in a gorgeous place that photographs beautifully. It’s hard to believe that every single photo I’ve taken here has been on a cameraphone. Any moron who can point and shoot can have a breathtakingly spectacular photo album.

The ocean seems to be my only friend right now. I’m OK with that — its presence is tremendous. It’s everywhere, and it’s there waiting for me when I leave work or escape from the house or need a moment of clarity in between errands. It’s always close by and it welcomes me when I’m moved to drop by for a visit.

I’ve been eating for crap since I left the old job a month ago. (It’s been a month already? Feels like a lifetime ago.) But I walk on the beach several times a week, and it helps me to maintain my weight and maybe even overcome the metric buttload of sweets that always find their way into the company kitchen (and, in turn, onto my hips.)

I met with my boss today. Let me rephrase, we met for a couple of smokes at our favorite set of Adirondack chairs that are down the street and around the corner from our world headquarters. (*happy sigh*) No more conference rooms, no more pantyhose, no more worrying that my attire doesn’t pass the test. It’s just me, in my cute flip-flops and whatever limited supply of summer clothes I’ve managed to pull together for the day.

I only have about two months’ worth of summer clothes — that’s all I needed in D.C. Now that’s it’s summer 10 months out of the year, I’ve got some shopping to do. I got my first pay today — I almost passed out and fell over dead. Told my boss I felt like I should give him a thank-you card for it. He said he sees big things for me and has big plans to rely on me as a “thought leader” when I get into the swing of things.

I had once told him, probably not two days ago — time escapes me down here — that I was worried about going from a superstar who could supposedly do no wrong at the old ranch, to someone new and unproven and maybe who left her mojo back in D.C. He was the one who said that I simply traded jerseys — I was with the Mets; now I’ve joined the Yankees. I still know how to play ball, right?

I realized something today, and it’s that I have become the old version of myself. But with new features. It’s like how I had to use PCs for my entire working life but I was always a Mac girl and now I have two Macs. The platform is familiar, and it’s easy to use and it feels like home. But the operating system has been improved thousandfold. It was always a fabulous system, and it’s gone through a lot of improvements along the way while I wasn’t looking.

Because I’m a geek and pal around with other smarty pantses, we all said I was rebooting my hard drive with this move. Nuking and paving and overwriting and reinstalling. I have returned to my roots as relaxed and unafraid. I’m rediscovering my faith and confidence that things are happening as they should and that I will turn out just fine.

I think of all the friends I’ve made during the past (too many) years, who actually liked the uptight version of me. Don’t get me wrong — I still find myself falling into old thought patterns. But then I remember how awesome it is to be all Zen Goddess-like, and I can return to that state pretty quickly. Mind over matter, people. It’s easy to let yourself fall in love with life when you realize that it actually is going in your favor overall.

Oh, if all those friends could see me now. … Imagine all the awesomeness that they never got to see because it had all but evaporated. Hallelujah for recapturing your spirit by buying back your soul.

Goddess, pleased to make your re-acquaintance. You’ve been missed. Hope you’re enjoying the sunshine and will stick around to bask in it for a long time to come.

One Lonely Response to Welcome back, Goddess

  1. Bonnie :

    I happened across your “Caterwauling’ site, and found your writing still, witty, amusing and engaging. (Then I realized you were a Gemini, and said “Ah.”) When I looked at your Flickr photos and saw that your wrote a caption about your BEAUTIFUL cat turning 13, I had a little tear in my eye. My beloved (love-of-my-life, soul-connected) cat Tiger just made it to his 13th birthday — which came after his grueling chemotherapy protocol last summer and fall. So, I am so truly grateful that he made it to his next birthday. I hoped and prayed and begged and bargained and cried and meditated…and he’s still with me.

    Just wanted to say how fun it was to come across your musings, and that they touched me here in Boston, Massachusetts. – Bonnie