So I gave Mom a f*cking heart attack. …

… when, after she asked AGAIN what I wanted for Christmas, I said, “a strap-on and a girlfriend.”

One of her biggest fears is that I am a lesbian, or at least bi. Not sure why she is so nervous about that, but she wants grandmunchkins so badly she can scream. I told her I have memorized more ceilings in my sexual career (and, I neglected to add, have bitten a few pillows in my day, too), and well, minus some exceptions, hetero sex just doesn’t do it for me anymore. Honestly, I’ve always been middle-of-the-road on which gender I preferred, but I’ve leaned toward men, ’cause, well, they’re easy. Tell them they can get free fucks galore from you, and unless they’re gay (or sober), you’ve got them. 🙂

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