‘Say it if it’s worth saving me’

I have to laugh when my Jewish friends like to read my blog after I attend Christian services, but here goes nothing, as usual. 😉

I wasn’t impressed with the service today, but that would be because I sat in the back row and I STILL had a kid kicking the back of my seat. Seriously. Someone didn’t drop their lil hellions in the playroom and I got stuck with three kids either crawling over our legs in an attempt to get from one aisle to the next, breathing over my shoulder/whispering to siblings or, like I said, kicking my chair.

And I realized I have a loooonnng way to go in becoming as good a child of God as I’m supposed to be. Because I cannot control my anger enough to not picture beating them over the head with a bible and hissing, “Quiet, for Christ’s sake!” 🙂

Perhaps it is, in fact, God’s plan that I do not have any children and will not for the foreseeable future!

Anyway, today’s moral to the story was greater than the message intended to illustrate it was, which was basically that our role is to become a person of impact. And that we all have the talent to do it, so we should be examining how to make our lives purposeful.

The pastor told a story about a man who saved a girl from drowning, and he got an award from the U.S. Coast Guard for it. But the funny part was that the award was never before given to someone who didn’t know how to swim.

Now that was worth the price of admission right there.

Personally, I have someone looking at me and wanting me to fix everything, and I am so FRUSTRATED because I cannot even solve my own fucking problems, let alone find the time and strength to deal with others’ shit that the should be resourceful enough to handle. I look at their problems as not necessarily trivial, but surmountable.

And if I can be making steps toward solving the clusterfuck of a labyrinth that I always seem to find myself wandering around in, why the fuck can’t they handle their own goddamned load? Furthermore, who are they to question us and the decisions we do/don’t make about our own shit when they’re looking at “inertia” as a choice?

I hate this “good Christian” shit. I am so annoyed at the obligations that are put upon us that drain resources away from what we really want to be doing and how we want to be doing it. If we even have time to remember what that was, quite honestly, as I forget what I wanted to do to change the world. I feel like I’m the one who’s drowning and yet hauling ass to pull others ashore and I don’t even know how to swim, either.

But if I stop, does the whole world have to stop, too? Doesn’t anyone take turns trying to get to dry land?

But perhaps the greater message today was that your first purpose on this earth is to behave as a good son or daughter of God. Feel however you want about your life’s predicaments, but do the right thing when it comes down to it because you never know how many more chances you’ll get to not fuck up.

I feel like we all waste those chances, but breaking out of that pattern is perhaps the biggest challenge of my young life so far. I guess I just hope that once I do get on dry land — and I WILL — there’ll be a change of clothes and something else that was worth swimming toward. …

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