Pseudo-Retail Therapy

Blew off work after a few unproductive hours and went window-shopping. Thanks to LB, I had a GC to Kohl’s, where I had full intentions of picking up some cross-training shoes for gym time (as my cute, $10 cloth wonders aren’t doing a thing for me), but the selection sucked and while I did find a pair on clearance that I rather liked, they were a half-size too big and my feet kept sliding around when I hoofed around the shoe area.

How weird is it, after having no money whatsoever at my disposal, trying to get rid of a $25 GC was like chasing after a pot of gold … I just couldn’t do it. I really wanted to ask if they could just hand me the $25, because after two and a half hours of wandering aimlessly, I was tired, desperately in need of cross-training shoes because of my aching feet, and pissed off. Finally, I settled on a purple lamp for my office, which I desperately needed, a hand towel to take to the gym (my usual bath towel seems too cumbersome) and a necklace for Wobin’s b-day that I know she’ll like. So, it was like getting stuff free! Yay!

SM and I have decided that the first topic we’re gonna tackle for our side show is customer service. That’s one topic that sends us into a frenzy of hot flashes, and neither one of us are nearly old enough to have those! While SM’s hot button is CVS (six people were behind the pharmacy counter, ignoring her, the sole customer in line). I, on the other hand, have hated Verizon and MCI for weeks now, but today brought a few more places to add to the list:

1. Burger King at Kingstowne: So the gal behind the counter didn’t speak good English and barely computed my “Number One with cheese, mayo only, medium drink, for here” that I articulated at least three times. Then I handed her a $5 (my bill was just below that), and she handed me the change and also returned my fiver to me. Woo hoo! Usually I correct such mistakes, but I’m po’ and I thought it was a gift. But then Mamacita realized what a fucking moron she was, and she asked for the fiver back. Dumb bitch. Maybe she needs an abacus with a Pesos to Pennies conversion chart to help her out? (look, I ain’t prejudiced, but god damn it, I am sick of retail and food and telemarketing establishments hiring people merely to fill positions and not provide service. ARGH!)

But it gets worse. Let me just insert that I avoid fast food joints, for the most part — seems like a lot of money exchanged for a lot of grease — but here is a customer service cesspool waiting to overflow. After getting my pop, I saw neither a napkin nor a drop of ketchup in the joint. Perturbed, I sat down in the empty dining room, determined to not make a mess (which of course I did because I never know how to put those plastic lids on the cups). Bleah. But to make my dining experience just that more joyous, the guy in line behind me (and his OBNOXIOUS kid), sat at the very next table, as though there were not 120 other seats available to them. While Daddio ooked (yes, ooked, not looked. There is a difference. When somebody ooks, they stare at you in similar fashion to the way Mennonites eyeball tourists in Amish Country. Rhymes with KOOK), the little bastard kept yapping at me and ooking like daddio was. To make my experience that much more uncomfortable, I saw that Mamacita behind the counter had given them a whopping pile of napkins and ketchup packets. Unbelievable!!!

2. Claire’s at Landmark Mall: Okay, so I had to indulge in the 10-items-for-$5 racks … made it feel like I was getting a lot (meanwhile, I had to CHARGE that $5 … lol … and it probably put me over my limit!). At any rate, I was in that store for an hour and was never even greeted. Not a huge deal, but I did have questions. Then I approached the register, where the assistant manager and another worker were gossiping about who’s working tomorrow. I fussed and fidgeted, but no acknowledgment. Just as I was about to leave, a girl ending her dinner break came flying out of the back room, saw me, and said she’d be with me in two seconds (to basically compose herself and shove her drink under the register). True to her word, she got it together and rung me up. Too bad the assistant manager couldn’t have provided such friendly service.

3. Kohl’s at Kingstowne: Come to think of it, in 2 1/2 hours, not a soul spoke to me. Normally, I do love being left alone, but there were clearance racks everywhere and now that I’m back on a budget, I had a few questions about prices and missing sales tags. But I am not one to take shit up to the registers and pitch a bitch up there (like the stupid family in front of me, who wasted way too much of my time); instead, they lose the sale — that is my revenge.

I didn’t really go anywhere else. At least, I didn’t make any other purchases. But I did visit Landmark Mall for the first time, and even though IKEA Boy says it’s ghetto and FOB, I think it’s a decent place to kill an hour or two. It was weird, I parked by Hecht’s, a sister company of my beloved Kaufmann’s, where I worked for two years in Pgh, and they were playing what I call “the Kaufmann’s theme song” in the store. How funny … for a minute, it was like nothing had ever changed, and then I realized that the word “Kaufmann’s” is no longer in the song, and it kinda bummed me out.

Sent Maddie’s website to Wobin (in the printed version) via snail mail today. She called briefly, with the hunch that I’d decided to drive to Pgh for the long weekend anyway. Seemed most disappointed that I didn’t. A part of me is glad that I’m staying, ‘cuz everybody was driving like lunatics today, even more so than usual! My heart can’t take all the dumb shit that people try to pull!!! What is it about holidays that makes people berserk on the roads?!?!

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