My life, the science experiment
The pier at the local public beach is about to be torn down to install a casino. Which it used to be, back in the day. And, which, yay, all we need are more tourons polluting my quiet little streets. Woo hoo.
Anyway, this is part of a larger diorama created by one of the residents to commemorate the pier. It makes me love my little area that much more.
I’ve been quarantined with some strain of infectiousness, the likes of which I haven’t endured since last November. Which has been joyous, I say.
I have this one job that I’ve worked at for nearly six weeks now (and no payment in sight), and they’ve had their hair on fire a few times this week — all during “off” hours. My inbox blew up Thursday night and again yesterday (Saturday).
I want to be available and cheerful here, as payment will come soon, and in spades, eventually, for the patient and capable. But it feels rather unfair to be held to deadlines — that I literally sleep through — for NON-URGENT stuff.
So I be workin’ today. It’s not rocket science. I always have fun with it. But I hate feeling like an ass because I knocked myself out cold with some Nyquil and didn’t check my e-mail between 9 p.m. and 8 a.m. and missed the boat entirely.
I’m just a little stressed over money and the future of the one project that does pay. I think all is on track, but you never really know. And with the houseguest having located my last possible nerve (I didn’t know I had any left — who knew?), I’m really wondering what I’m doing here.
I got contacted from a freelance job I lasted about a month with. I never even billed for the work I did, as it paid less than the effort to create an invoice. I quit partially because my point of contact was driving me crazy. (A theme in my life, eh?) And they resurfaced to ask me back. Hmm.
Everyone agrees I was clear as crystal about what I was good at and what was outside my comfort zone. And yet my assignments were located squarely OUTSIDE MY COMFORT ZONE.
Is it time to go for another full-time job? One of the “biggies” down here heard of me through a high-powered friend and asked me to interview just for giggles. We haven’t yet scheduled said interview, but I wonder whether I should more-aggressively pursue it. I’m certainly spending more than I’m bringing in. And my work ethic has been wavering for a variety of reasons.
Anyway, it occurred to me the other day as I was “driving Miss Daisy” somewhere, when I called up God and had a few terse statements I needed to make, that perhaps I befriended God a few years back simply to have someone with whom to argue.
I don’t blame Him, but I would love some answers and maybe even some direction, if He’s feeling charitable. The only answers I keep getting back are to be grateful and happy. And I am. I just want to be ecstatic. And rich.
Seriously, I know money doesn’t solve everything, but let ME be the judge of that, OK? Besides, I know I’d give most of that wealth away, anyway. Let me get my MacBook Pro and a newer car, and let me pay rent for a year, and then I can figure out how to un-hinge the houseguest from my hip. And the rest will go to worthy causes around the country.
God, I just want to be the legend I know I can be. Even if not a soul knows my real name. I’m bypassing Santa Claus on this one and coming straight to You. How about a trial period to see how I can do? 🙂