Late night musing

Shan and I went for salads and desserts at Ruby Tuesday at Landmark Mall tonight. The workday was particularly depressing, and we laughed it away over tallcakes.

I made a pitstop in the ladies’ room before we went window-shopping for wedding dresses for her, and I saw a discarded pregnancy test kit in the trash. All I saw was the box, and I felt sad. Someone most likely bought it at the CVS down the hall and couldn’t wait till she got home to take it. Or maybe she couldn’t take it home, so she had to pee on a stick in a public restroom. I don’t know who she was or what her results were — or whether she got the results she expected or even wanted — but I have a feeling that somebody in my area is going to be having a difficult time going to sleep tonight.

I’ve never bought the do-it-yourself test. I’ve passed them many times in the drugstores, and once in a blue moon, I wondered if I should buy one. But time passed and the monthly red hurricane arrived right on schedule. It’s easier, really, not having sex. I’ve never really been emotionally involved in the act, save for once or twice. And the only feeling I ever left with, other than occasional exhiliration or disappointment, was fear … fear that I’d have to buy one of those sticks and see it turn blue. I wonder what it would be like to want it to turn blue, to want the man you’re with to be the father of that child.

That’s why I assume that someone who was taking that test in that bathroom wasn’t happy when she did it. I would imagine that, were I to ever take one of those tests, I’d want to be doing it with someone I loved sitting in the next room, someone who was hoping for the white test to show some, any signs of coloration. At any rate, while I will never know the outcome of what I saw so briefly tonight, the person who was there before me will probably remain in my memory for a long time to come.

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