Inspiration comes from the strangest places

“Whatever my lot,
Thou hast taught me to know,
It is well,
It is well, with my soul.”

Inspiration comes from the strangest places.

Had a nightmare last night where I was being tortured and dismembered. My heart stopped beating when the pain became too much.

But I didn’t leave the earth. I couldn’t. I had too much work to do.

What I remember most was the feeling of peace, of forgiveness, of love. Not necessarily toward my killer, who merely became a footnote in the final chapter of my life. But the epilogue was way more important — finding a way to help those I left behind to heal.

I had the chance to talk with my mother and with friends I don’t spend nearly enough time with during this existence. I promised I’d always be with them. I couldn’t talk back to them after this day, but they could know I’d be listening. And I’d try to send them signs if I could figure out how.

I spoke with a boy and said what hell it was to act like I didn’t love him when I did. I didn’t regret the love — just the denying of something so natural and so important to ME for whatever the reasons were for not being able to act on it.

I spoke with another who kept a lot from me. From my new plane of existence, I could see everything I had wondered about, being true. I was so happy the guesswork was done. But I wanted him to learn the lesson to just not waste as much time as he did.

As I did.

I guess what I took away from the whole journey was, you may only die once, but you only live once too.

And that: “All is well, even when it isn’t.”

I guess lately I’ve been trying to curb my cussing and my emotions and my unique contributions to this lifetime. But I was never meant to be in anyone’s jigsaw if they have to file down a few ends or shove me in.

All is well now. At least I have another day to try again. Thank you, God, for that.

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