In hiding

Although the blog is down, I have so much pent-up emotion that I am about to shift from safety mode to meltdown mode. I am keeping my sanity together by talking (really talking) with friends and by just showing up at work and making a go of it. I love being busy and needed and productive, and although it seems like I’m only just starting to move up the mountain, well, at least I moved forward and not backward.

Not sure what the situation at work will bring. Moneywise and titlewise, I’m still in the same place, which just sucks. But I am also aware of the fact that I am lucky to still have the job at all, given how hard I had to fight for it, but that they are also kind of waiting to see where my loyalties lie. And the loyalties are still where they used to be, but I think the primary loyalty has been, and will always be, to myself. I don’t have to love the place and the situation — I just have to accept it and make it work to my advantage. That’s all. Nobody expects me to tattoo the initials of the workplace to my ass, but they are watching not only for me to screw up (because I know I’m being observed) but also for me to dazzle them. I may do both, but here’s to hoping for the latter to prevail!

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