Humped day, or feeling screwed in every which way

I just felt like posting a picture of a pineapple filled with chicken, after Jon Stewart reminded us that bin Laden now lives in a pineapple under the sea. Seems appropriate.

It’s my one-month anniversary, if you can call it that, with one of my jobs. I assume I need to send an invoice, although I am going to bill for about half the work I did, per the original agreement. But shit’s gotta change and I need to write that letter too.

My five hours a week (hah) consists of e-mail back-and-forths, with far more “Back” than “Forth.” And the CEO is very sneaky. She will put me down to my face for everything I suggest, yet run to the owner and tell him all “her” great ideas that came from MY mouth.

So even though I get a billion e-mails from her in a day, I get about a million calls. And I keep trying to keep it in the e-mail, you know? So I have documentation AND so I can cc’ the owner so that he can see how friggin’ incoherent she is.

I remember forwarding an e-mail from an old job to my personal network, and everyone laughed that a publisher would use a line like, “That is SO not okay!” Well, now we’re all snickering over the fact that this idiot rages and then punctuates it with, “No biggie.”

As usual, I have to be the better person. And I see that she works 24/7. But dude, five hours a week here, yo. I brought it up to her that I understand she’s frustrated that the very tiny team is missing deadlines THAT SHE NEVER COMMUNICATED. But we all work less than part-time, and we are all on different schedules.

BUT … we also put in a lot of extra time so we can accommodate each other’s schedules. That means me answering their emails at midnight or at the crack o’ me before they all wake up. That means them having to drop everything because I need something at their 8 a.m. You can bitch all you want that I haven’t touched your imaginary to-do list, but for five hours’ pay and as the only one with publishing experience, you’re lucky I’m still here.

I have mostly always hated my bosses in my life, but there’s just an extra special something awful about this one that will make me crazy if I let her.

Speaking of, there was a good article on about whether it’s necessary to have a good personality to be an effective leader.

And as I’ve said about my last couple of supervisors, to quote Jim Belushi, “If she didn’t have a pussy, there’d be a bounty on her head.”

Maybe being an evil cunt whore bitch is the only way to win, you know? I’m not even trying to spare anyone’s feelings but my own these days. I know they’re not happy people, but everyone’s too afraid of them to fire them. Maybe I need to cut back on my peace of mind and start terrorizing people?

That’s what I need! A “terror premium” in my freelance contracts! For when these bitches go on the rag. Yes, that’s my new clause. Dare me NOT to add it!

Anyway, the article posed this question at the end:

“But would you be better off working with someone who’s extremely pleasant but might have ulterior motives, or with someone who’s obnoxious but has a good heart?”

It’s a weird question, given that EVERYONE seems to have ulterior motives … and is also obnoxious. 🙂

But I can work with a good heart. It’s when I peer into their soulless depths and hear the echo chamber of them taking other’s ideas and reciting them as their own that burns my butt.

I’ve already worked with the seemingly nice with the deadly agenda. No thank you. I hear rumors about people I used to call friends, who’ve gotten sucked into the corporate lifestyle and who are pissing on the little people they themselves once were just a couple years ago. They ain’t no friends of mine now.

I dunno. My stomach just cramps up when my phone rings (and rings) from the West Coast. (She hangs up and calls back five times till I either pick up or throw the phone in the ocean.)

What bugs me the most is that I can clearly demonstrate a success record in my area of expertise, and she has the audacity to say that, well, she has opinions too and they need to count. And that’s FINE. But when I can cite case studies of why that idiotic phrase you want me to use actually increases unsubscribes, for fuck’s sake why the tantrum when I suggest that if my documents are too wordy (her words), why don’t we try it without adding that phrase that will make people think we’re idiots?

Speaking of idiots, she is the poster child for abortion. Please don’t outlaw it — think of all the assholes the world DOESN’T contain because of it!

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