Hot Southern mess

(H/T to Brad Paisley for that title. It’s like he KNOWS me or something.)

When I take 2011 out behind the woodshed and shoot the pathetic bastard, it will be after I hogtie his ass and roast him over an open flame while he begs for the mercy he didn’t do such a good job of showing me.

This was the year I got off the antidepressants/anti-anxiety meds that I started taking over two years ago. It is also the year of the highest highs and lowest lows. I’m like the fucking stock market here.

You want to know where the world indices are heading on a given day? CALL ME and find out my mood. I am my own technical indicator!

Today is all about rage. It is what I determined to be my one day off this week, and EVERYTHING I TRIED turned to shit. So much for relaxation.

I have this one job that I’ve quit now four times. I can only give it maybe two hours a week, but then they didn’t use the work I turned in this week. The hell? I lost sleep over this?!?!

I’m still pretty fucking angry at the people who owe me well over two grand that I was supposed to get on Sept. 15. Seriously, I have stopped bugging them in the last couple of weeks because I am SICK OF THE EXCUSES AND LIES. Don’t insult my (dwindling) intelligence.

It’s not that friends and money don’t mix, but FRIENDS WHO DON’T PAY THEIR FRIENDS THE MONEY THEY OWE THEM FOR SERVICES RENDERED that should be avoided at all costs. Live and learn.

I miss the place where this photo was taken. As I contemplate where to move next, I know the destination would be further away. I dunno. I guess I am craving familiarity right now. Even if what (little) is familiar is also contributing to my discontent.

Or maybe it’s that everything is deja vu. A good friend called last night as I was getting into my car, and it was wonderful to have company on the long drive home.

She pointed out the obvious, that ever since she’s known me (since the day I first set foot in Florida), I’ve been under IMMENSE stress and pressure. She said between the job(s) and the mom and the apartments and the yahoos who don’t pay and cause me financial grief, I’ve never actually had much in the way of peace of mind. That my so-called “break” between jobs was just as stressful as any workplace I’d been in up until that time.

This is why it’s good to have friends. And why I should call (or pick up the phone for) them way more often.

I don’t know what I’m doing, where I’m going or what what I even WANT to be doing. All I can do is trust in the fact that God is with me and even though I fail myself on every level possible, He can’t let me be a hot Southern mess forever. (Can He? …)

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