Happy Apocalypse!

Subtitle: Sweating like a whore in church

Instead of wishing folks a happy bunny day, I much prefer to wish them a festive apocalypse — read: I went to church.

Not just any church, of course, but the Washington National Cathedral. Like, the kind you have to get tickets to in advance (props to Shawn there — I would’ve said fuck it if it took that much effort!).

The place was so packed that people were standing, just to see the services. The sermon was good, actually (did I say that?), mostly because it was about how politics and religion really shouldn’t mix. They also wanted us to bless the president, the veep, the house, the senate and everyone in power to make the right decisions and do the right things. I didn’t really feel like giving Dubya a blessing, but in the context of hoping he won’t always do dumbass things, I suppose I could get with that program.

He also mentioned crazy drivers in the D.C. area and us otherwise godless creatures. Did he KNOW I had shown up? That was pretty scary! I was waiting for my picture to show up on the dozens of Plasma TV screens situated all around the building!

In any event, I was sweating my ASS off at church, and I had to keep reminding myself, “Inner monologue!” every time I would drop something and go, “Oh for Christ’s sake!” I leaned over to Bryan and said, “God damn, I’m sweating like a whore in church!” and I’m lucky he didn’t smack me. 🙂

I had gone into the bathroom prior to the services, and someone had shat up a storm in my stall prior to me — the funk was wretched. I had asked the boys if it were a sacrelige to shit in church, and they thought I was nutz. Of course, when Shawn felt the “urge” an hour later, he declared that church just scares the shit out of some people. LOL. Case in point, don’t we all look miserable? …

We didn’t stay for the whole production — we’d seen enough of the future molested altar boys of America, in any regard, and besides, we were hungry and Shawn had to poop. We had a lovely lunch at Popeye’s and went to Shawn’s, where he made us a fabulous 14-pound turkey. Bryan and the late-arriving Paul made us some awesome side dishes, and we killed the strawberry shortcake I provided. All in all, it was a holiday of new traditions with new and old friends, and at least this year (I did go to church last Easter, dragged by Shan and her husband), I didn’t twitch like Linda Blair when holy water was thrown on her during the whole service. 😉

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