Spent way too much time with myself yesterday. That’s not always a good thing, because I can be terrible company for someone who is looking for lightness and optimism. It’s scary when both sides of my Gemini personality are feeling the same: one side is in raging, pissed-off-bitch mode and the other side is in depressed-as-a-motherfucker mode.

Am making a lovely little dinner of tarragon chicken and rice … this for the girl who’s had no appetite for two weeks. But I’ve been subsisting on the occasional piece of red meat (no, don’t get your hopes up … the meat I’ve been ingesting isn’t throbbing with life!), so at least I’m gettin’ my protein, one way or another, at any rate!

Nothing to say, no song lyrics to plagiarize. … Wow. I guess I’m too worn out to care about anything today. Have spent way too many days hating myself for all that I am not and all I can never be. Does this feeling have to happen to me every summer? God, I was better off last June, when I thought I was at my lowest. It’s just sad how I am always searching for that little shred of happiness and sunlight to which I can cling for dear life. Maybe that’s my problem (well, one of them, anyway!) … a ray of hope is such an odd occurrence in my life that it is immediately apparent to me when it appears, and I am loath to let it go without kicking and screaming, because I don’t know when or if another ray of light will pierce through the little black cloud that seemingly hangs over my head 24/7.

God, I need (to get) laid! (Cortana — I don’t partake in many Pittsburgh-isms, but you’ve got to let this one slide!!! I am not thinking about good grammar when I am in need of a warm body in my bed, okay?!?!) 😀

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