I Crap In a Box

I'm Maddie, a fabulous foul-mouthed Calico from Washington, D.C. I sleep, whine and poop a lot. Swearing like a sailor and vomiting like a supermodel round out my typical day. Tormenting my sister also warms my heart!

Friday, September 27, 2002

Friday Five!

1. What are your favorite ways to relax and unwind?
I love to sleep, but because I sleep 23 hours a day, it gets boring to sleep in all the same places, so I either jump onto the shelf in Mommy's closet or hide under her suitcases in the bottom of her closet, just for a change of scenery. I also sleep in her workclothes while she's showering, and in her boxes-o-shoes -- especially the dressy shoes that hold cat hair so much better than leather shoes. And then I sleep in cabinets, in sinks, under furniture, on chairs and in bookcases.

2. What do you do the moment you get home from work/school/errands?
Mommy is saying something about us going away for the weekend (and I'll kill the bitch with my smelly poop if she's serious!), but otherwise I don't leave home much. But when I come back, I usually go throw up in her bed, to show my disgust at having to leave the house and therefore having to miss several of my naps.

3. What are your favorite aromatherapeutic smells?
Arm & Hammer Cat Litter with Crystals, when it's first poured into my litterbox, smells so pretty -- it just makes you want to take a dump, the second it hits the box. And the smell of anything like chicken, turkey or seafood is my idea of aromatherapy! Mmmm ... and cardboard! Oh, how I love cardboard boxes ... they just get me high!

Another interesting scent: Mommy does have these cool patchouli candles that I like to sit on ... patchouli and burning fur have a distinctly pleasing odor, when combined! Although, I can never figure out why my ass gets so hot when she has candles burning in the house. ...

4. Do you feel more relaxed with a group of friends or hanging out by yourself?
I'm a hermit crab, like my Aunt Tiff. We both hang around the house a lot, but she's always typing on that damn computer -- I think she has imaginary friends that she believes are inside it. Mommy used to have boatloads of friends when we lived in Shitzburg, but she doesn't have as many down here, which is good for me because I don't have to entertain much company, the way I was expected to do in the old city. I love to play with my little striped mouse that my Unca Janna gave me -- he's the only friend I need. :)

5. What is something that you feel is relaxing but most people don't?
Nothing relaxes a catnip-crazed cutie like myself better than perching on the edge of a bed or coffee table and falling asleep there. I would imagine most humans would not feel comfortable snoozin' on the edge of furniture, but it's something that makes me happy, except when I fall off. 'Cause that hurts. :-)

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