Unread
There’s something about this moon that’s got everyone driving as crazy as they do during the full moon.
As ever, the new moon in Pisces is supposed to be the best one for ending cycles and banishing the bullshit.
That’s true of every moon cycle, TBH. But there’s something about this one.
New moons are new beginnings. So, a good time to manifest what you want. And the clearer you can be, the better.
I was watching “Say Yes to the Dress” and fell in love with a mom and daughter. The daughter bought a gorgeous dress but it was a hard choice between that and another, totally sexy party dress, that looked banging on that little body of hers.
Because it was Covid, they waited three years for the wedding. In that time, the mom saved her money and ordered the sexy party dress without telling her.
When she was getting her final fitting on the ceremony dress, the helper brought out the sexy dress.
This girl was overcome with emotion. She didn’t say it, but you just know she was thinking about how much money that surprise cost.
She put on the dress and she lit up like one of those crystal chandeliers in Kleinfeld.
And I thought, that’s it. I want that bridal moment. I am manifesting that moment for me.
I mean, I don’t know how it plays out. Maybe it’s that I get to Kleinfeld, try on a dress and that’s the end of it.
Or maybe I get to pose outside of Cinderella’s castle at midnight, with only the lights and fireworks and photographers and my groom.
Obviously I won’t have a wedding party because I don’t have any friends.
Anyway, I have been avoiding my friend in Medellin as much as my cop-adjacent friend.
I mean, I was wishing to meet someone without having to leave my house. Boom, I got TWO suitors without having to put forth an ounce of effort.
But I got to thinking about every man I’ve attracted into my life. How not one has done anything to change my life for the better.
I mean, one kind of did (thank you for helping me to move, and to get respite from work). But it’s like they were mostly never even here.
Medillin is always sweetheart this and beautiful that. And dare I say something about coffee or wine or Europe, as these are early days and I don’t know what to talk about, he’s quick to insert himself into the picture. We will drink wine. I will bring you coffee. We both have remote jobs so we can travel together.
Like, I am so not used to this. And I’m not annoyed, which I expected I would be.
But I’m also not a flirt, either. Like do I really want to encourage this kind of banter.
It’s not even that I fear getting my own hopes up — I fear getting HIS hopes up.
I think with the last few guys I was with, I was just going for it, you know? What if it’s love — what if it’s what I’ve waited for? Don’t miss out.
Now I’m like well this is amusing but I am back to the way I was BEFORE 2019 — too busy to juggle in another person.
I already (probably) disappoint my mom and my work. I mean, I spend less time with both. But that’s a function of getting older/tired-er.
Do I really need another person to feel guilty about that I’m not keeping up with enough?
On the other hand, bridal moment.
Again, too early days to even THINK about that shit with any of these people. But how am I going to GET that moment when I am over here perfecting my already rock-solid “fuck off” vibe?
I would say I wish there were a way to know whether this one or that one or all of them are going to be time-wasters.
But I know. They all are. Like all the friends I’ve had, too.
I’m not mad at anyone. They served their purpose, for as long as they needed to.
I’m just tired of investing in people for no goddamn reason.
I have everyone on unread right now. I don’t know if I want to keep them there. One thing about Medellin is he’s showing a great deal of patience. But once he’s back in the country, I imagine he’ll be on my doorstep.
Anyway, funny that I want to manifest a bridal moment while keeping anyone with partner potential on unread.
My mom would totally have sacrificed everything to order me that party dress. Just like her parents sacrificed everything for us to have what we did, and we didn’t even know what a sacrifice it was at the time.
That’s what I really want. A man like Grampy. A feisty spirit like Gram. A sensitive heart like Mom. And a friend or lover or both who is worth all the damn time and effort that I am probably about to put in again (and again).