Transience
I’ve been meaning to pay homage to this wonderful tribute by Trouble. My mind’s been wandering today, and it went back to this:
“When you see him, you may be tempted to think he is just some guy. Average, nothing special. You may never even notice his strong graceful hands. … But to me, he is the most handsome, most intelligent, most amazing man on earth. …. Sometimes when we are together, I can hardly get anything done, because I just can’t stop looking at him. His beauty draws my eyes and stops my brain in its tracks. His dreams inspire me, his voice comforts me, his warmth next to me keeps me safe. He is the one, the only man who even exists, for me.”
The things we notice when we’re smitten. Boys — men — don’t always give us much to go on, insofar as getting to know them easily. Women get frustrated when a few dates go by and they drop off the earth because there’s so much to reveal throughout the course of the time — so much to be revealed to us. Many of us have learned to date in the exact manner that has been shown to us — cool, somewhat detached, able to make a snap judgment and be OK if things don’t progress.
Then there are the ones we would be heartbroken to lose, at least, if we would lose them too soon. The ones who are not withdrawn because they have nothing beneath the surface to offer us but instead the ones who do. The ones, moreover, who might not realize it. And as we wait for those treasures to reveal themselves, we comfort ourselves in not necessarily memory, but rather memorization.
There are faces, fingers, curves of eyelashes and outlines of jawbones and the shape of lips associated with a million facial expressions that we will never forget as long as we live for as many glances as we sneaked or outright took just to accurately absorb them into our minds. These are the things that come to the forefront of our minds when we’re flailing elsewhere in life. These are the things that never fade — these are things that are familiar and welcoming if we are lucky enough to be greeted with them again.
These, my friends, are the building blocks upon which hopes, dreams and fantasies are built. The things that last, no matter the words that are or aren’t exchanged and the feelings that can get bruised in the crossfire or silence or confusion. You figure things out so you can see the smile again you’ve come to rely upon for spiritual nourishment — it’s as vital to you as any other consumable nutrient.
This is somewhat unfamiliar, or at least forgotten, territory for me. I’m struggling to find the words and relying on others’ as well as images clamoring for my attention when there’s so much else to attend to. I think a lot of us have let life distract us from attending to our hearts, and it’s a welcome change for the reverse to seem to be true.
To feel whole, invincible, incapable of seeing anything but beauty everywhere … to not feel scared to look ahead … to be OK in the moment, every moment … wow.
All right, Goddess, time to concentrate again. For now, anyway — or, at least, for as long as I can. …
June 30th, 2006 at 2:33 PM
Wow. I’m honored that you liked that well enough to link to it.
I had to edit it. I’d originally said something about his chubby belly and his thinning hair. I think he’d like to pretend those things don’t exist and that he’s still 24. But to me, those things are cozy. They’re him. They’re wonderful because they are part of him.
And I know what you mean about cherishing those things…I totally do.