The struggle is real


I wish I had friends. Then when I have offers coming in like I do right now, I just want to scream.

I already have phone anxiety. People need to text, I always think, instead of call.

But then people text and then I have that same punch-in-the-gut feeling.

I waffle between “I prefer people I only see every now and again” and “If you’re not going to be around for much longer, why invest in you?”

I think of all the people who walked out of my life without a word or explanation and I think of some others, why can’t people let me do that too? Why do you want something from me I’ve never gotten?

Then I think well maybe do I tell the world to go away so I don’t have to get a raging case of anxiety every time the phone rings or chimes?

But what if that means I would never hear from the people I might actually LOVE to hear from someday?

This doesn’t refer to the messages in Faceypages messenger. Honest to God I hate clicking on that app. I’m always glad when I do. But it just takes me a good long while to get there. So if I owe you a message, know I’ve responded happily in my head, at the very least.

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