The only adjective I have for this week is ‘wrist-splitting’

I had just emerged from my last meeting of the day yesterday when I decided to fire up Faceypages before starting the evening shift.

A photo that I had posted on the drive to work — and I was running 45 minutes late, mind you — was timestamped “posted 11 hours ago.”

And I don’t think I’ve ever been so annoyed in my life.

So basically a photo I’d posted around 7 a.m. was now taunting me that it was nearing the other 7 o’clock and I’d accomplished next to nothing.

I went home, by the way. It was a really mentally tough day. I had nothing left to give. And here at 7-ish a.m. today, I still don’t. But oh well.

Look, I have no problem with my 12-ish hour days and my 90 minutes or so in the car. But we’re in the middle of a Chinese fire drill where we’re all learning new jobs and many, like me, are simply taking on five other people’s jobs while mostly keeping the same one that already exceeded 40 hours.

My 12-ish hour jaunts were fine because they were steady-busy. Now I’m learning and I’m sitting in meetings up to four hours a day and I don’t know how much longer I can sustain this pace. Two days into the new year and I’m already broken.

I still see everyone skipping out at 5. And it just makes me mad that I work so hard and care so much and I’m feeling so goddamned guilty that I can’t make it partway through my to-do list and now I have to inconvenience everyone on the planet today because I’m buried under new and old work and I can’t even do the old work on time because I’m struggling to understand the new expectations … which I have to learn RIGHT NOW because apparently life depends on it.

Life, revenue … same thing.

I don’t know how it will all get done. But it will.

Haven’t written in my gratitude journal in days, so today I’ll make it more of a wish — I am grateful for everyone who helps me, and for all the friends who keep asking me for stuff to practice patience or maybe even a little creative problem-solving of their own, and for everyone whose job I am taking so I can show folks how shit REALLY gets done.

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