The more things change

Everyone always asks me what it’s going to take for me to crack.

I will admit, yesterday almost did it. It wasn’t a bad day but I’m collapsing under the weight of it all and no one to give it to.

Add in a really nasty cold, and the fact that I live in a dump and work in an almost as dumpy building with dust and yuck and muck everywhere. My lungs are unforgiving.

And boy howdy.

That’s the thing. How do you get your physical/emotional health back when the conditions never change?!?!

I took down my last post. In fact, most times I write about my helper, I end up trashing it.

It’s not that I care if said person would find said missives. Honestly they probably wouldn’t even recognize themselves. The problem with this world truly is that the intelligent are full of doubt and the cocksure are oblivious to the fact that their place is not always in the first category.

So, I’m going to try to be a grown-up going forward and keep my incredulity to myself.

The good news is I will get some more help next week. The bad news is now I will have a bunch of nice people who did not aspire to Goddess-level greatness and therefore there is no guarantee that it will rub off on them if they are not wholly receptive to it.

There is one employee at the home office I want. I’m putting it out into the universe that I want this person because I. Want. This. Person.

Or someone really damn close.

And preferably a little cheaper, although we see how that works out.

I think that’s the root of my anger. Hiring at gunpoint. Knowing expansion is looming and being instructed to bring in a warm body and to deal with quickening its pulse later.

Expansion is happening again and we’re just not ready. And I can’t get my health back long enough to get ready.

The only solution is for me to do it all until I can’t anymore.

And while I haven’t cracked yet, I’m really afraid I am closer to that point than I’ve ever been.

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