My upcoming move may not be as hard as I’d thought it would be — I am very good at breaking things and, thus, that means I don’t have to pack — and ultimately transport — them.

I was turning on my beloved black wrought-iron uplight with the blue shade today when one of the cats knocked over the table it was sitting on and *crash* — down went the lamp. My foot is bruised and bloody and the lampshade is in about 47 pieces, and let’s wave goodbye to the table while we’re at it. *sigh* This gives me a fabulous idea, however, to just break everything so I won’t feel obligated to transport it.

Oh, today’s commute was pure, unadulterated JOY.

(See Sarcasm. See Sarcasm Drip. Drip Drip.)

Sorry, almost hit you in the eye with my drippings. 😉

Anywho, 395? PARKING LOT.

See Dawn Flip.

Flip Flip.

Sorry, couldn’t resist!

And I realized something big — that I can handle life’s huge crises, but this series of small annoyances in my existence is Making. Me. INSANE. Insane, I tell you!

You know how it goes — you could indubitably handle X if Y weren’t true. Or if you could just make some progress on A and B, the occurrence of C like whipped cream on your partner a cake wouldn’t throw you into a bona fide frenzy (and not the good kind).

Caterwauling: Home of the sexual innuendo. Welcome back! LOL

So while I am very much tempted to stay in my apartment until the eviction is inevitable, perhaps I should consider moving sooner — I’ve got some fantastic friends who have volunteered to help, and that would ease up on the planned expenditure on movers. But if I can be honest, two things have been holding me back on making any progress on this front:

1. I am a puss. I mean it — I can barely hoist Maddie’s 20-pound ass around the apartment. How the hell am I going to lift furniture? I am so out of tip-top moving shape, it ain’t funny. Not to mention, finding the strength to pack and to just endure the adventure is going to be quite the challenge. Not that I won’t rise to the challenge … it’s just that, at this point, I’m just not sure where all that strength is going to come from.

2. I’m scared to type this one out, but it’s my reality. I hate it that I live down the street from my old job — I hate driving past that place and simply being reminded that it still exists. Now, I am grateful to it because I learned a lot and accomplished amazing things there, but I think we all get a huz (think biting down on tinfoil. *shudder*) when we look back over our shoulders. And I don’t want to move closer to Dream Job only for things to someday, maybe not work out in similar fashion.

There’s a certain comfort in distance — there’s that feeling that if we ever see fit to part ways, for whatever reason, it’d be OK. Moving closer means actually committing myself even more than I am already to making a go of it.

Listen to me — can you hear my “fear of a committed relationship” coming to the surface? And we wonder why I’m more-often-than-not single!!! LOL

I think this all stems from dropping my whole life and moving to Alexandria from Pittsburgh — there was no turning back. And the same will go when I haul ass from Alexandria City to Montgomery County — although, truth be told, this time I am running toward something rather than running away from something else.

Good grief, I do believe that means I am growing! 😉

My friends have told me to not move within too close of a distance to the building where I work — pick a central location that will make the drive less of a suicide mission but also leave enough distance so that I don’t have to drive past it even on my off time and be reminded of it. There’s been a certain comfort, too, in not having the temptation to pop in on a weekend like I did at every other place where I worked.

I guess part of my fear in moving closer also included the fear of not having any differentiation between a private and a professional life. But I will be more careful of burning myself out this time around. And I’d rather burn myself out doing good work than actually from simply commuting to the place!

On iTunes: Tony Yayo f/50 Cent, “So Seductive”

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