Quirks and other assorted cognitive dysentery

As seen at Liv’s and Neil’s and Lachlan’s.

Presenting … (just) Five Personal Idiosyncrasies. Or, as I like to say, IdioTsyncracies. That, and …

Gimme an O! Gimme a C! Gimme a D!


1. Straw wrapper bows. When I get a beverage that happens to be accompanied by a straw with a wrapper, I MUST tie the paper into a bow. I’ve totally picked this up from my Mom. In fact, I have a straw wrapper bow in my purse from the last time I saw her a few weeks ago.

2. American manicures. That’s what my manicurist calls them — they’re like French manicures, only it’s a soft white paint on the tips, not chalk-white. It looks more natural, like you didn’t just pay to have your nails done. I just got a French manicure and, while I love it, it is so odd to look down and actually see bright white on my nails.

3. Denim skirts. I don’t mean, gee denim is comfy sometimes. I mean, when I worked in casual work environments, I had a different denim skirt for every day of a fiscal quarter. I *~*heart*~* denim — denim purses, denim shirts (only cute ones, not workshirt-types), denim dresses. Everybody always knew me by my wardrobe. But jeans? Don’t like ’em. I hate pants in general on me.

4. Bathroom items “just so.” I have an unnatural (and possibly unhealthy) obsession with order, perhaps because the rest of my life is CHAOS. Like, toilet paper and paper towel rolls MUST be installed properly (i.e., paper coming up and over the roll — none of this backward shit, because even if it’s at your house, I WILL make it hang correctly).

Gimme an O! Gimme a C! Gimme a D!

And shower curtain? Out of the tub. Toilet lid DOWN, preferably before flushing begins — not a girl thing, but a sanitary thing. Also, my younger cat likes to jump in the toilet when it’s full of piss, so you’ve got to be REAL quick when flushing and such.

And let’s not talk about things that go on in the bathroom. Some things are better done in your own home and NOT in public areas. People need to pinch their cheeks and not pollute areas that are already overpopulated and claustrophobic. Don’t eat things that make you root and toot if you’re not close enough to hope to release them into your local portion of the river, k? Some of us have highly overfunctioning olfactory nerves (and are already stir-crazy without the fumes).

And related, hoo boy, you get your bang for your buck with THIS portion of the entry. I do NOT understand how, if there are five or seven stalls in a particular ladies’ room and the place is empty and I choose the stall at the end of the line, the next person who walks in MUST OCCUPY THE STALL NEXT TO ME. Look, I know there’s a partition between us, but for GOD’S SAKE, would it KILL you leave a “courtesy stall” between our bare asses? PLEASE?!?!

Gimme an O! Gimme a C! Gimme a D!

5. Must talk things out. With myself. As the best listener I know, I often play therapist, editor, psychic, parent and best friend to … well, myself. This usually takes place within my head, but the occasional outburst has confounded many people into thinking I’m on the phone or have a visitor. Look, I’m an only child and I play with by myself very well even now. Although my ramblings are very reminiscent of “Milton Waddams” in “Office Space.” Where’s my stapler? 😉


You just KNOW I’m going to be adding to this list till the end of time right?

Anyway, I read things backward. I start on the last page of magazines and catalogs. I start in the middle of books. When my boss gives the team stuff to edit, I start on the last page or the last section because I figure everyone else will be tired by that point and I can give it my full attention and editorial goddessry.

I also eat dessert first. Yeah, yeah, it might give me a heart attack and it will be the last thing I ever ate. And who wants to die choking down vegetables? 😉

2 Responses to Quirks and other assorted cognitive dysentery

  1. Pratt :

    Milton is my hero.

  2. Liv :

    We could do a weekly quirks column!

    And melikes the idea of this American Manicure. How ’bout I come up sometime and we’ll go get one togethah?