Queen of Wands
Before my eight-day journey through NYC, I had a tarot reading.
A lady who usually charges a fortune had a $50 special. My friend Brenda had recommended her, so I figured take the bargain offer.
I was glad I did.
We did a Celtic cross for me. And surprisingly (to her), none of the cards were “bad.” In fact, they were all rather GOOD.
Now, we know there are no “bad” cards — not even the Tower, the Wheel, the swords and other struggle cards — but to not get ANY of them was wild to her.
I said I lead a charmed life. I know I do. I am one of the luckiest people I know. And don’t think I take that for granted for one second.
I’m not here to do a full recap, though I’d like to.
I had started with the Queen of Wands in my current position. And the way the cards built upon that, there was only one conclusion …
“You can have anything you want. At least, you can make it possible.”
I’ve been told I’m a good little manifestor. She said it, too.
So I wondered as I walked 32,000 steps a day … what do I do with all this power?
I remembered thinking, “If you could have two more days in NYC, what would you do with them?” Then my flight got grounded for two days.
What did I do? Silent Disco at Lincoln Center.
Cocktails at the Empire Rooftop.
Broadway in Bryant Park.
Omakase at Sushi Lab rooftop.
(I still miss that Ube martini.)
Like, why wouldn’t I throw it all on the credit card and deal with it later … after I literally got my wish?
What if it really is that easy to say, along those lines, “If I had Wall Street money, what would I do with it?”
I mean, we’d need to GET me some Wall Street money.
Which … why did I work SO HARD for Wall Street firms and never get to be worthy of the Wall Street paycheck? That still pisses me off. No dangly bits, I guess.
But let’s say that’s not the worry, as I can manifest what I want and I DEFINITELY want that.
I told my friend CG about all this today. He as ever had the right question to ask …
“How do you know when a season is done?”
I said I get that at a soul level.
My tarot reader had said it’s time for you to have a byline. She didn’t know I write everyone’s newsletters but my own. She didn’t know shit about me before this call.
But she said you have the expertise. The gravitas. People will see your name and not wonder who this is. They will know.
Is that a financial byline? Fiction? That screenplay and children’s book I promised myself I’d write? I don’t know.
But interesting that he’d home in on a season ending.
I saw a job posting I really want to explore.
And I keep pulling the Judgment card to be careful around this process. I mean, other cards are encouraging — in fact, they are saying be authentic.
But if I can really have anything I want … is that it?
CG asked lightly if there’s another opportunity I am already considering. That he’d hate to see me go but he knows I have more in me than even he sees.
I said you know, the tarot lady pointed out how I said, “I don’t mind” a million times about my job, the people, the tasks.
I mean we talked about what a hot mess Heather is. She showed up in my cards as one of those things I have learned to be calm about.
But why have I learned to be calm — “I don’t mind” — and what would happen if I felt passionate enough to mind?
I type all this to say I just edited a piece about leaving your kids an inheritance they can use sooner rather than later. So they can find and fund their passions while you get to enjoy it.
I mean, Bella’s passion is sleeping next to my head and Magic’s is sleeping on my legs.
But still. How do I find and fund my own passion?
As I told CG, I want to travel, not to write about it. Park my ass in a SkyLounge with wine, not a laptop.
Not that travel writing is an option — just, how do I parlay feeling alive two weeks out of the year and dead the other 50 into a raison d’être otherwise?
As he said, maybe you make your misery your ministry. Write about grief. Write about life after it. Write that children’s book about Cocoa.
So when does a season end? When it’s too easy, is what I took away. When you go from mastery to autopilot.
I hope my season ends more like “Knicks in Five” than how Joe Biden was rushed out of the White House.
New York or nowhere, as my Mayor Mamdani says.
Which is why I am even looking at other options at all. Because nowhere is no fun. Neither is autopilot.
But being near pilots … at least the non-trumpy ones … now you’re talking.
And if anyone can bring the fire, it’s the Queen of Wands.
Oh wait, that’s me!