Emotional female
Got to talking with a friend today about a very awful event.
Another friend unalived herself a few years back. I was in shock.
I got the news just after I told 10 people that day was their last day. (Employed, not on earth)
What prompted me to revisit that awful hell today?
My friend today was saying that she carries insane guilt for laying off someone and then they unalived themselves shortly after.
Like, it was hard enough to tell her staff that she’d done the layoff. But then to call with THAT news …
And I was triggered.
I’ve never spoken about this otherwise, but that’s why my friend died.
She lost a beloved job. Couldn’t replace it. Couldn’t find much of anything, really.
Depression took hold. She picked her exit.
I got the call when someone went through her search history and saw that I was in it.
Back then, I learned a valuable lesson about how to communicate with my superior.
I brought up how affected I was by the layoffs. How all these people had plans and I’ve altered their economic destines.
How sick I felt that my friend killed herself over a layoff.
The reaction wasn’t what I expected. Which was basically that I used the phrase “I don’t care” about businesses when people are hurting. Therefore, I am not a team player.
I realized oh shit he thinks I’m a liability now.
Like, I’m not a snowflake who needs a safe space. But I let my people use their 1:1 time to say whatever they want so we can fix the problem and move on from it.
I clearly have to either call Kelly or keep it to myself now that my mom’s dead.
So, my performance review anxiety predates 2024 when my mom was dying five feet away. (It was one year earlier that I lost that friend.)
Our communication has … increased in frequency.
But it goes better when I’m in a state of stasis. Which I usually am anyway.
I just let a couple situations get me emotional.
Who do I think I am, the s(h)itting president?