One of those ‘I need more Bailey’s than coffee’ days

My emotions are all over the place today.

I hugged Mom goodbye this morning and got that same horrible, horrible feeling I got when I saw my grandparents alive for what would be one of the last times.

She called me on the way to work today — and she does NOT like me talking on the phone and driving. So, it has to be An Occasion for that to happen.

I admit, for the past two years, every time the phone rings and I see “Momma” on the screen, I am terrified it will be a goodbye because her body can’t take the sickness anymore.

She was mostly fine today. I told her my fear and she said with her dizzy spells and heart and brain attacks, she won’t be able to figure out how the phone works. She can barely do that when she has control of her senses.

The feeling I got earlier, though, was confirmed by one of my boys from afar who said he just lost his grandfather. I love that he thought enough to tell me. I love that he just got back home and could be there in his final hours and to support his beloved parents.

His mom is sickly, too. We bond over that. I’m his younger, healthier mom-type person. But we know, there ain’t nothing like the real thing.

I posted an article on Faceypages yesterday about some tech companies now paying for women to store their eggs — encouraging them to focus on their career and delay the mommmyhood track.

Hell I did that thanks to the Pill and a whole lot of luck. 🙂 But I was telling Mom, even if I’d frozen my eggs, when the fuck would I have time off for good behavior to have a kid?

We’d be scrambling those eggs — my Momma, for saying she won’t eat breakfast food, makes some pretty kickass breakfasts for me.

OK, ew. 🙂

In any event, her one regret in life (and she has thousands, don’t get me wrong) is that she may not live to see me have a kid. Which, I told her if that’s what she’s hanging on for, she’s going to around forever.

That’s the thing. I couldn’t do it without her. Not just as an emotional support but OH MY GOD the free babysitting so I can work my schedule and do my other things I just can’t let go of.

This is all making me just a little weepy today. I mean, I wouldn’t trade my life because I know it could get worse as much as it could get better.

But as I keep hearing about people getting health coverage just because they happen to work even if they’re not good at anything, and people getting healthcare simply because they married someone with it, I’m a little bit annoyed that my momma — who is my full-time CHAMPION — gets zip for her trouble.

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