Notes from Hour 14 of my captivity. …

Today’s highlights:

Driving into oncoming traffic. Again.

Being approached by my publisher with chocolate remnants (as it’s Chocolate Day!) on my face.

Being approached by the marketing VP with a big ol’ booger hanging from my nose. (Nice.)

Telling someone I shouldn’t have that someone else would be a very pretty girl if she’d ever look like she didn’t have a “fart crosswise.”

Being spotted sobbing in the parking lot before the day began. (Hi, I’m the future of this company. I shouldn’t be the only one weeping!)

Eating no solid foods, instead having three truffles, a bowl of chocolate ice cream, and assorted shit (marshmallow, pound cake, graham cracker and strawberry) dipped in a fountain o’ milk chocolate. I had no desire for the dark chocolate today, oddly, although it looked mighty tasty, as did the other 4,735 pounds of chocolate and sugar in the main kitchen today.

It’s 8 p.m. and maybe now I should start on today’s projects?!?!

The week’s highlights:

Shoveling a forkful of something in my mouth and missing my mouth completely. In a meeting.

Trying to spear an olive from a salad and accidentally beaning the marketing manager with it. (Same meeting.)

Surviving it! (And letting others live, too!)

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