My first ghost story

I have this very clear memory of being about 5 years old, at our little rowhouse in the ghetto (*deep sigh*), planting apple seeds in hopes of growing an apple tree from them.

I very distinctly recall an invisible being — a spirit guide, if you will — coming up to me and hovering around my left side as I dug in the dirt. (Something I wasn’t allowed to do, but oh well.) He asked me a question that to this day manages to disturb me when I think about it.

The spirit wanted to know that, if I had my choice and had to hurt, would I rather it be physical or emotional?

Maybe I was older than five, or maybe he used words I would have understood at the time, since that’s a loaded question at my current age. But I must have recently gotten a gash or a bruise, because I remember saying, “In my mind, so nobody sees it!”

(My family did not like me doing anything that would result in me being less than perfect. I’m guessing that’s where THAT shit stems from.)

The spirit said OK and left me. I forgot about it till a few years ago. And I often wonder not only why I had to choose, but did I choose correctly?

I think I did. I like having functioning limbs, although the diminished mental capacity from the clusterfuck that is my life hasn’t exactly done wonders for my well-being. I’m tired of being hurt, exhausted, unhappy, frustrated and always longing for something that’s … I dunno … NOT THIS.

I’ve had plenty of interactions with the spirit world since then. No psychic revelations, unfortunately — I’d be too happy to get those. (Dear Higher Self, when am I going to get a job? Please I will give anything to get out of this HELL that we call freelancing. Oh my GOD please make the pain and non-paying clients just STOP already.)

Worth a shot, eh?

I probably made the whole thing up in my head, but I remember everything about the scene. And for what it’s worth, I don’t have it so bad. But it needs to get better from here. I can’t accept any alternatives to that. Spirit guides, let’s go easy on the questions next time and go a little heavier on telling me what I SHOULD be doing, OK?

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