Moment of Zen

‘Twas the last day of Mercury Retrograde (this cycle, anyway) and I’m not going to publish the post I wrote in a very heightened emotional state yesterday.

In any event, I had an epiphany on the drive in.

It occurred to me that, while I am very good at releasing rage and fear from my heart, sometimes all that gook gets clogged in my bloodstream. So, it never really leaves my body and travels back to my heart, where the cycle begins anew.

I had another epiphany as I continued to talk myself off the anxiety ledge.

I have no qualms or worries or fears about my massive workload. I know I’ll do it to the best of my ability. And I’ll do as much of it as I physically can before exhaustion or delirium sets in.

What I worry about is others.

I’m not going to qualify that. You can figure it out from my last 15 years’ worth of posts.

But honestly, without others disturbing me while I’m riding my melt … without others being honored or promoted or paid outside a level I may or may not personally believe they deserve … I’m not destroyed from the outside in.

The thing is, when I feel adequately loved, compensated and left alone to do my thing, that’s when I’m happy.

Trust me, I got this. Get out of the way and let the magic happen.

So, I’m going to focus on that. I will never have balance. But as long as I can have what’s rightfully mine, the body count can remain below 1.

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