Midnight snack

Confession: I feed the animals after dark. 

After last year’s events where Shady Melissa threatened me and stalked me and eventually reported me for feeding ducks, I’ve hidden in the house. 

But awhile ago I started feeding other ducks in our massive compound. And of course everywhere else I go. 

Recently there’s been a duck who could fly to the second floor. Trying to get our attention. He’d go to the apartment just below and wait. 

So I would sneak down and feed him when night fell. 

As it turns out, he is a she. And she was pregnant with 11 ducklings. 

Well naturally no one can control or leash their dogs here. So I quickly went from feeding 12 to 5. Mom has been in hysterics, texting me each day that she was down to 10, then 9, then 7. Now it’s four. 

So I’ve been leaving food under a tree for them every night around 11:15 pm. Every morning, they swim over to our side of the lake to eat. 

We also have two turtles who come to the buffet. (I put out a ton of food — three kinds.) and other birds. And lizards. 

It’s better than the Palm Beach Zoo. Although I suspect your bum after dinner at Chipotle is more entertaining than that tourist trap. 

Here are some of my friends … 

(Mr. Lizard, momma duck and the tortuga twins)

I am afraid momma duck may not come back now that her secret spot under the bushes has been discovered. 

Plus the awful dog owners congregate here. They smoke cigars and drink beer and gossip about us residents loudly. Terrorist plays his music on 11 in addition to building bombs. Dogs run around pooping with reckless abandon. They attack ducks while these illiterates proclaim their superiority like it’s the RNC in Cleveland. 

Anyway. I know these clowns would attack me since they are allowed to break the law and no one else is. So sometimes I have to take detours and try three or four times before the coast is clear. 

But it’s worth it when mom wakes up after a miserable night under Islamic Caitlyn Jenner and sees her menagerie. 

It’s Christmas morning every day till the lazy fucks wake up and walk their loudmouth mutts. 

But it’s ok. I am making the best of my time here. Finally. 

Sleep tight, duckies …

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