Lydia Deetz nuts
I won’t lie.
There have been a million times when I wished I hadn’t taken on Bella and Magic.
Bella of course chose me before I was able to capture Cocoa. So, no denying the fates.
Magic I chose because why not, I already had two good kids.
After Magic beat up Bella and me last night — well me for getting in the way — I thought fuck this.
I don’t have Cocoa, after all. Why am I still fucking around with these goobers.
But really, I would just find another goober or two if I didn’t have them.
And here on the eve of the night I lost mom in 2024, I looked at Bella and thought, you saved me.
Like what if I had only taken Cocoa. Or none at all, as it was the whole “well shit I can’t take Bella and not get Cocoa too” that lit a fire under my fat ass.
Mom got me through losing Cocoa.
But Bella got me through losing Mom.
Like, I know I love someone when I see myself grieving their future loss.
And as I squeezed her tight just now (which she fought, just like I did with my mom) …
I thought about a world where I don’t wake up to her staring down at me and tapping my shoulder, demanding pets.
She’s six, but I had Cocoa for not even four years, so I am not being dramatic.
I used to call Cocoa my baby. It was only this week I started to call Bella my baby.
Anyway, I’ve always been morbid and obsessed with death like Lydia Deetz.
But man, I’d be a lot worse off today if Belly didn’t love on me every day for two solid years.
I don’t think I’m the best cat mom. Or hoomin, for that matter.
But I really have had four very good girls.
The bestest girls.
Better than my mom got, anyway.