Join my new show, ‘Ho-mance

I’ve been walking around, knowing that I need to make changes in every area of my life, and not knowing where to start.

And then I accidentally turned on “Bromance” and decided that, yes, that’s what I need. Not a reality show, but someone to call once in a while and hang out with.

The rules are simple:

1. At least split the damn bill once in a while. Between the one who forgot their credit card every single Friday night and, well, those who want to go certain places and yet sit there with a glass of water until I intervene, I’m drained.

2. Pick up the phone on the rare occasion I need to talk about something. I don’t call often. In fact, I’m more likely to text or Tweet. I realized last night that I haven’t had a heart-to-heart with anyone in over a month. No wonder I’m clawing at my own skin.

3. Must be a foodie. If you turn up your nose at gourmet fare and can’t help me to cross off all those restaurants on my “must-try” list, stop reading.

4. Wine consumption mandatory. Preferably in large quantities. It goes without saying that my quota on long-distance ‘ho-mances is full. Must be local. Within stumbling distance, preferably.

5. Help me to get motivated to get off my butt and exercise. You’re not doing me any favors if you enable my own enabling ass.

All right, well, I’m no Brody Jenner so I’m not going to be throwing any parties with lingeries and pole dancers to let everyone compete for my affections. Of course, there can be more than one winner.

I can’t call it a “Bromance,” but how about “‘Ho-mance”? All right, people. Whore yourselves out and let’s see if we can put Brody and Frankie’s relationship to shame!

4 Responses to Join my new show, ‘Ho-mance

  1. Mel :

    Wow, I’m the first one? I may have one disqualifier ‘cuz you know I am on the west coast.

    let me tell you about my new year….

    Tried a new Steakhouse place **Awesome**
    had 9 bottles of wine (3 at the steak place)

    Why else should I be your friend….
    B/c I can afford my own meals…. I thought if you weren’t putting out it was mandatory to go dutch?

    I have an unlimited phone plan…. unlimited calls/text/tweets/internet/gps. I am one of the few people who actually likes talking on thephone. Besides
    I am 3 hours behind you. So if you get up at 3AM and need to talk to someone its only 12 at my house and I am still up.

    Oh and b/c I need someone as you would say to motivate my pork roast ass to go to the gym too.

    Call me 😉

  2. The Goddess :

    Well, I expect nothing less than for you to be an overly awesome friend!

    Looks like we have a winner so far — no challengers?

  3. Neil Morse :

    Can I put myself into consideration? Plus I could be your wingman.

  4. Angie :

    Where do I sign up? Can I become a pledge–is there a rush week? Do I need to send references? Blood test? Let me know ASAP. I’m HO material for sure!