‘ I’ve lost count of the days that were wasted’

“I float on the streets that are empty
take the path that the wind only knows
Tonight is the last time that I’ll ever be here.”

Marie Digby, “Beauty in Walking Away”

So, apparently unicorns do exist.

A married man I know is actually leaving his wife.

I know, pause for a moment. The urban legend comes true.

Holy shit.

Long ago I realized everyone just loves the chase. Even when they end the chase for someone else, they themselves don’t see the need to stop. If anything, the chase is even more-exciting because they know they have some dumb asshole at home, waiting for them and NOT chasing anyone themselves.

Or being chased.

I think that’s what stuns me. The people sitting at home who know they aren’t going to lose their man … and who will terrorize him into staying, if need be. Because they probably think they can’t/won’t get anyone else.

And I think that’s what sends these guys out. They know even if they get caught, they’ve checked into that Hotel California and can never leave.

So when I got the news that one of the boys filed for divorce so he could finally have his shot at happiness … I froze.

I mean, you accept that it “happened” for a friend of a friend of a friend whose sister knows someone’s cousin who left his life behind in pursuit of true love.

But when it DOES happen (holy shit. Wait, I said that already), what the actual fuck do you do?

I once told someone to leave for himself. Not for me. I don’t need that kind of guilt if it doesn’t work out.

This isn’t how fairy tales start out, after all.

But then someone actually DOES leave for himself. So he can pursue his true or at least his next love. And you wonder …

Why wasn’t I worth it?

I’m not hanging around long enough to find out.

“There’s an answer in the sound of a train
there is wisdom past the bridge on the bay
There’s a lifetime through the fog, in the rain
there’s a beauty in walking away.”

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