Guilt trip express, now boarding

So I slept in today. So I haven’t spent one single weekend in D.C. in two months. So I’m paying a comma for this friggin’ apartment and have yet to do anything other than scrub my butt and re-pack my suitcase every few days.

(For the record, I scrub my butt every few hours; I just meant that I leave every few days, not cleanse my cooter!)

I awake to Mom wondering where the hell I am. I’m tired, people. I’m in bed. So I say fine, I’m up, but I need to pay bills and scrub cat shit out of the carpets and whatnot. So two hours later (just now), I get the call to tell me what hospital and what room number my grandfather is in. I said, “You do understand I am still in Northwest right now? As in, not on the road.” And she gets all pissy and “Fine” and “Maybe you should stay there today and we’ll see you when we see you.”

Blah blah, she wanted me there because I always drive her to the hospital and she’s tired of the drive and drama and pain and misery blah blah blah. Because I just love neglecting my own life all over the place and putting no fewer than 500 miles on the car each trip (more like 750, with all the running in-between).

Sorry, I take that back. I know I’m the youngest and everyone depends on me, but I’d just like to know when someone, somewhere is going to lend me a friggin’ hand because I am overextended right now and scrambling to keep up. I feel like I have no ability to show initiative to the people who are expecting it from me because initiative would take more energy than I can generate right now.

I have to go to Pgh again next weekend, which is fine — a day I’ve been waiting five years to witness, actually. 😉 (And do you THINK my fat ass fits in any of the 17 semi-formal dresses in my closet? JESUS.) But I got an invitation the weekend after it for a party, which I’d love to attend, but it’s 100 miles in the complete opposite direction. Go figure.

It’s the inaugural tacky Christmas sweater party — how could you pass up something like that? 😉

What I had to explain to Mom is that Maddie? SHIT all over the pile of bills I needed to pay today. And not just shit recently — oh, no, she must’ve done it the day I left town last week. So I had to pick crusted fucking shit off of my bills so I could see the account numbers (I know, online bill pay blah blah blah I don’t trust the Internet). So a task that normally just sucks now stinks as well!

I am pledging to myself right now: Next year, I will be with, if not the love of my life, then a ridiculously great lay. And our happy asses will be in Hawaii, far away from rain and highways and that double-helping of guilt.

4 Responses to Guilt trip express, now boarding

  1. Erica :

    Your cat. Shit. On your bills.


  2. Valbee :

    That’s one smart cat. 🙂

  3. Evil Genius :

    Cat shit on bills…what a great metaphor for my life right now. *sigh*

    I hope your granddad is doing better!

  4. Old Freind :

    You could fit yourself in a zip lock bag for all I care as long as your there!!!! Can’t have a polish/Irish wedding without my sarcastic queen of mean to be there to enjoy the irony of it all…..not to mention the drunken spectacle!!!

    It will be like Jerry Springer, the Roman Colloseum and a demented Lucy skit all rolled into one.