Grace
My friend PW reached out to me the other day.
He said he did, anyway. I haven’t seen the message. But I haven’t looked too hard.
But it was me who reached out to him today.
Not because it’s his birthday, which it is. But because his beloved wife passed yesterday.
Which he was trying to tell me.
I was scrolling Ye Olde Faceypages after whatever political tirade I was on. And I saw her face.
I think of her every day actually. She was a hairdresser and sent me some amazing products. Which I used sparingly. And I’m down to a tiny bit of hair volumizer that I have loved for a long time.
I scrolled up from her photo to see the status update.
Passed peacefully yesterday. Cancer.
I hadn’t talked to P in a while. Not since I got shitcanned from that job I had in 2020-’21.
I don’t harbor any sort of feelings toward anyone but Helena, really. She knew what she was getting me into.
PW used to work for me, years ago. And he found a true home over there. I love that for him. And they’re being kind to him, which I’m not surprised about.
I had texted a nice message, about my hair products and how lovely she was. And that I know a little something about cancer and loss. Sending love.
Imagine my surprise when he called.
We shared our stories. The awfulness.
What’s funny is I remember their kid’s name. Grace’s previous health problems. Just a lot of stuff. I told him, you must have made an impact on me if I haven’t forgotten a thing after all this time.
It’s funny that he had reached out to me first. I don’t know if he even knew about my life. But he has always been a thoughtful observer.
I told him the cancer was what made the employer separate with me. “It’s not working out, go spend time with your mom.”
Fortunately it worked out. And no hard feelings. But I wasn’t sure anyone even knew that was the reason but me.
In any event, I don’t want to publish his stories or details. Which is why it’s all about me.
I am sure I can say that it was brief. That the doctors misdiagnosed her between January and April. Finally someone got it right in April. And she left in August.
I told him my sad-person tips.
Crying at home gets old. Find a place you can cry outdoors. Disney!
The worst has happened. Nothing is urgent anymore. Breathe. Nothing WILL be as urgent.
Visit all the old places and restaurants, sure. It will kill you.
But you’ll be surprised what new hobbies and interests you pick up. Not that anyone was holding us back. But now that someone took a big fat pin to our comfort bubbles, it’s OK if we don’t want to go back to things we loved. There are new things to fall in love with.
He mentioned Grace had very recently gotten into Shohei Otani. I said great. Maybe you make a trip to LA to watch a game. Maybe you go to Japan, where I found Otani gear in damn near every store.
He’s acutely aware that who he was and who he’ll be are two different people.
I did scare him off about the two years. The first year sucks. Everything sucks. But year two you realize oh, this is how things are now. Sucks.
I don’t know that I ever got to talk to Grace, but I remembered I loved her. Just a cool chick, you know?
They were pretty decent Catholics, but not the nutty trump voting kind.
I said I’m not the girl who says “better place” or “this happened for a reason.”
But I am the girl who believes that if you go to LA or you forgot to say something while she was still here, it’s OK.
She’s going to be with you. She’ll stay with you and she’ll come back for your big moments.
I could tell he teared up for that.
I thought about how I talk about mom like she was the love of my life. Like it’s the same as losing a spouse.
But I also thought about how he didn’t even whisper otherwise.
We both lost our person.
Me over time, without much fight.
Him suddenly, without time for it to sink in.
I don’t know why I had to get this out.
Maybe because friendships, however casual, can run so deep.
Maybe because we all have so much in common.
Maybe because my friend CG had said there could be a creativity outlet for me in helping people with their grief.
And maybe it just sucks when a lovely human gets taken from us, but tRump and his ilk live on.
I said how can i support you, and he said just throw me a smiley face every once in a while. And maybe pick up the phone when your old friend calls you.
Hah. I can do the first. Gonna work on the latter but I’m down to try.