Goddess and the no good, very bad, sweet Jesus, why are you torturing me morning

It’s like Twitter, but recorded for posterity.

Sweet Jesus, it’s another one!

The timeline continues below the fold — it’s quite a day to behold. …

What’s left of my memories of yesterday:

6:30 a.m. — Make coffee

6:35 a.m. — Check e-mail for morning copy to edit; nada

6:40 a.m. — Coffee’s done … oh God DAMN it — I brewed water with no coffee grounds!

6:42 a.m. — Attemped to brew coffee again

6:45 a.m. — So far, so good

6:47 a.m. — Pour cereal in bowl. Check for milk in fridge

6:48 a.m. — Out of milk. Did you not see the empty container you left on the stove?

6:50 a.m. — Back to computer, still no copy from the person I was expecting it from.

7 a.m. — Did I just get copy from another one, who owed it to me from Wednesday? *squee!*

7:30 a.m. — Expected copy now past deadline. Decide to shower.

7:45 a.m. — Pull hair in ponytail, throw on work clothes

7:55 a.m. — Inquire where my copy is

7:56 a.m. — Write a blog entry

8 a.m. — Writer’s spouse assures me she will resend, as it was sent at 7:30

8:10 a.m. — Write another blog entry

8:15 a.m. — Call writer, ask about copy

8:16 a.m. — Writer calls back, after having resent it five times

8:20 a.m. — Dawns on me that our e-mail servers have gone down

8:30 a.m. — Contact IT, which tells me to e-mail my request. Um, e-mail is down!

8:32 a.m. — Realize that if the spouse’s e-mail got through, e-mail’s not totally down. WHERE THE FUCK IS MY COPY?

8:35 a.m. — Give writer my fax number to send copy to. Not sure how I’ll get the 10 images that go along with it, but enh. Details.

8:45 a.m. — Writer calls; no I haven’t gotten fax

8:47 a.m. — My other line beeps in. I hang up to answer. It’s a fax, beeping at me!

8:50 a.m. — Writer calls back, says fax won’t go through because the line is busy. I say don’t worry about it

9 a.m. — Pick up phone — damn it, he’s trying to fax to my cell phone again!!!

9:07 a.m. — I call to ask for the copy to be sent to my myriad e-mail addresses. Nothin’ happens.

9:12 a.m. — Realize I’m really hungry. Damn it for being out of milk

9:15 a.m. — Bug the boys who are also at work by asking if their systems are working. No luck there either

9:25 a.m. — E-mail everyone who’s waiting for this stupid project to tell them that no, I cannot make the 9:30 deadline, even if it arrives right then

9:26 a.m. — Brainstorm; call writer to request that he send copy but no attachments

9:30 a.m. — BRILLIANT! E-mail comes without attachments

9:40 a.m. — E-mail WITH attachments comes

9:45 a.m. — No sign of the other 10 e-mails that were supposed to arrive before it

10 a.m. — Throw together assignment; think maybe I’ll make it to the drive-thru before breakfast ends at 10:30

10:11 a.m. — Mom calls

10:20 a.m. — I rush out of house, put the pedal to the medal, get stuck at a traffic light at 10:25

10:26 a.m. — Fuck breakfast; going to the supermarket

10:35 a.m. — Ewww, I picked up a ham salad sammich when I meant to grab chicken salad. The only thing wrong with ham salad is that there’s HAM in it. *squick*

10:50 a.m. — Arrive at work. Finally

10:51 a.m. — That project? That I worked on first thing in the morning? That was due Wednesday? I FORGOT TO FTP IT TO MYSELF AT WORK

10:51:51 a.m. — Peal out of parking lot, going back home

10:59 a.m. — Traffic

11 a.m. — Couldn’t make it through the light to turn. Now it’s red. Damn it.

11:01 a.m. — Now some dumb bitch is trying to get in front of me from the wrong lane. Turn off those fucking puppy dog eyes. If you make me miss this turn because you were too dumb to be in the correct lane …

11:03 a.m. — Missed the turn AGAIN. Bitch. She was the last car through.

11:05 a.m. — Upload file, dash off scattered e-mail to friend who manages to calm me, toddles off in a dither

11:11 a.m. — Makes a wish, about what I don’t remember

11:12 a.m. — Boy, I’m hungry, and no, ham salad is inedible. FUCK. Gone to McDonald’s

11:15 a.m. — After three solid minutes of listening to the cashier bitching in Spanish, she finally comes on to take my order. PAIN.FUL. All is going to be wrong, I feel it

11:17 a.m. — Pay for meal; suspect error as it’s too cheap. Cashier gets defensive, brings over manager. They did forget something — my iced coffee. And I was nice about it, which is pretty fucking hard when I NEED COFFEE.

11:25 a.m. — Makes it to work in record time

11:25 a.m. – 3:30 p.m. — Have meetings, answer phone, do e-mail, just plain work

2:48 p.m. — All those e-mails from this morning? SUDDENLY ARRIVE EN MASSE

3:30 p.m. — E-mail, text-message in search of delinquent, crucial piece of puzzle. That must be obtained ASAP and really should have come in four days earlier

3:35 p.m. — Solve a crisis, but not that one

3:57 p.m. — Delinquent info comes in, too late to do anything with it

4 p.m. — Attempt to salvage delinquent info by spinning it. Realize that I have no idea WTF to do with it. Seek clarification, only to get an “oh well, don’t use it”

4:02 p.m. — After head stops spinning around, wonder where it all went so very wrong

4:15 p.m. — Look at clock, wonder whether I’ll be out for 5 p.m. to make 6 p.m. plans across town

4:45 p.m. — Finish immediate project, realize I missed two other things people wanted before COB

5 p.m. — E-mail to say I’ll be late. VERY LATE. Can we do 8?

6 p.m. — Dinner? At 6? *bwahahahaaaaa*

7 p.m. — You want WHAT? WHEN?!?! Funny.

7:15 p.m. — Wonder whether e-mail was received re: delay. Realize the phone number? Is at home. *sigh*

8 p.m. — Send message to Twitter — “2 hours late for dinner.” Because I had to tell someone.

8:10 p.m. — Shooting shit with colleague. Because really, what’s the rush at this point?

8:15 p.m. — Enh, does it even matter anymore?

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