Fun. Twisted, but fun nonetheless

Reader Poll Monday rides again:

Would you rather:

1. Watch a porno with your parents OR starring your parents?
I’ll take door No. 1. My mom had some damn good porn that she stashed very uncreatively in my bedroom when I was a teen, given that the only VCR in the house was in my room. Nice work, Mom. 🙂

Her friend’s husband is a bit of a porn fiend so he’d copy tapes for her. I enjoyed watching them by myself and I’m sure now that I’m older, I wouldn’t be squicked the fuck out by watching them with her. Not completely, anyway. Besides, when I went off to college, she and the asshole o’ the month broke my damn bed, and I’m just glad I didn’t have to witness it!

2. Lick the handle on a public restroom toilet OR eat a wad of toilet paper from the stall floor?
I’m certain I’ve licked worse.

3. Be MC Hammer OR Vanilla Ice?
Oh good lord. Seriously? Seriously? MC Hammer. He’s got an iota more street cred than Ice. But not much more.

4. Be able to fly OR read people’s minds?
See, I’d go with mindreading, which I’m sort of good at anyway. BUT the caveat is that I don’t want to know what some of them are thinking. And my heart would break if I’d predicted otherwise if I’d mindread and it turns out they really despise me.

Of course, if certain people would read my mind, all they’d see is a double-fingered victory salute. Not that it would take a fricking psychic to know what I think of them!

5. Have whatever you want for one year then die OR be paralyzed for life?
“I’d rather have five minutes of wonderful, than a lifetime of nothing special.” Ah, Shelby.

6. Have a permanent smile OR a permanent blank stare?
I sort of rotate between the two. Give me the smile. It just pisses ’em off.

7. Be burned alive OR drown?
Drown. Leaves a better corpse.

8. Be known worldwide as a racist OR a child molestor?
Sweet everlovin’ Jesus. Seriously? Oh, wait, did that line already. Ahem. I like my boys fully grown, thanks, and I don’t care what flavor they come in. I gotta say, I’ve been called a LOT of names in my life, but never either of those. Everything else pales in comparison. *shudder* It’s a wishy-washy answer, but I can’t do it.

9. Eat three pounds of hair OR drink a gallon of shampoo?
Shampoo, I guess. Easier to choke down.

10. Be god OR the devil?
The devil, baybee. I’ve got the sick, sadistic sense of humor to make it an enjoyable odyssey. Besides, more than a few people need a piping-hot pitchfork in their asses, and I’d like to be the one to poke ’em hard.

2 Responses to Fun. Twisted, but fun nonetheless

  1. Caterwauling :

    […] Caterwauling « Fun. Twisted, but fun nonetheless […]

  2. Janet :

    Just imagining having to choose in any of these scenarios leaves me feeling sick to my stomach.:( Talk about the lesser of two evils!