For Christmas’ sake

My grandmother said that a lot, for Christmas’ sake. This year has been such a cluster, I finally get it. 

After Italian Christmas and ham and whatnot, today I needed to get my Jewish on. 

Gram used to take us to Squirrel Hill to Rhoda’s (now Kazansky’s) on New Year’s Eve for corned beef and latkes. And I got to go across the street to Mineo’s for pizza. Which, omg heaven. 

Mom would make us tiny open-faced Reubens on cocktail toast. And Gram and Grampy would enjoy a highball. 

Those were the days. 

I go to Flakowitz now. You may know it from Guy Fieri’s “Diners, Drive-ins and Dives.” I know it for good food and flamingly disappointing service at two out of three locations I frequent. 

Tonight I was in Boynton Beach, a city that is just cursed as far as I am concerned. And instead of eating my sammich normally, I opted to fork-and-knife it. 

And thank god because there was a twist-tie holding my steamed spinach (smothered in about a pound of melted provolone) together.

I give myself credit for not vomiting it up. Am lady, after all. 

I put it on a napkin and handed it to the server. But it’s not like I was seeking a free meal out of it. And I didn’t get one. 

But given the median age of the customer base is about 86, I said a little prayer to thank heaven that I was ok and that it happened to me and not someone who might have choked on it. 

A lady came by and threw a piece of stale cake at me. And the waiter avoided me for a good half-hour before he threw the bill at me. 

Everyone else got to see the dessert tray. And I was hoping for marble cake. Which is the best thing they have. But alas, no dessert choices for me. 

What offended me most is my damn sammich came swimming in onions after I clarified with the server that it did not come with onions. And as he took the bill he said, “You didn’t say no onions on both meals.”

Bullshit I didn’t. I specifIcally said I don’t want an onion in any form to arrive at my table. I’d rather swallow the damn twist-tie than smell an onion for 40 minutes. 

I normally get the matzoh ball soup, but it was a disaster when I got it in Boca last month. I’m pretty much down to Wellington as the only Flakowitz I can deal with. 

Pity. Boynton is the only one with a deli. No corned beef for New Years because I am not spending another penny there for a good long while. 

Maybe I’ll ship a Mineo’s pizza here instead …

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