I don’t know if I’ve written this and I don’t care.

Every night that I go to feed the kitties, I walk over a manhole cover. And I get choked up.

Cocoa was the first kitty I saw at that Target, on a night we went back to feed ducks we’d fed once before.

We ate (well, she did) and played every single night for just a little over two months.

I always tried to get her to jump in the car. I even rode past her with my door open once or twice. As mom said, Cocoa was saying, “Nope, not my Uber.”

I tried to kidnap her once, right before I got Bella. She shredded the carrier, licked my leg and went on her way.

I was building up to that. She would never let me hold her. Play, pet, rub belly, sure. Pick her up? Not my Uber.

After the unsuccessful kidnapping, I thought she’d stay away.

She didn’t. She seemed to trust me more.

We would sit and have long talks after everybody ate. Poor mom had to stand around forever and wait for me to be done. But this was my baby — I wasn’t leaving till she went wherever she goes.

One night, when she was leaving, I followed her.

She walked to the manhole cover.

She looked at me like a little kid when you’re visiting their parents’ house. Like, “This is where I sleep.”

I died. Literally died.

I said, “Is this your house?”

She lay down on the cover.

I left in tears.

The next night, she walked me to her cover. I had soothing kitty wipes on me, because she was so dirty lately. And she loved her “bath” on her “bed.”

I thought, this cat is mine. The. End.

I did stage the kidnapping not long after. And we’ve been together two months.

I just never stop thinking of that being her bed. She never gets out of mine now. Mine is hard and horrible. But, to her, it’s heaven.

I think that’s a perspective I need on life right now. It’s hard and feels horrible sometimes, but it was once my heaven.

I have the things I used to pray about. Things other people pray about now.

So, let me take this moment to hold space for the little girl and the little kitty girl who never had anything. Who never dreamed they COULD have anything. Who have a completely different life now than they ever dreamed.

And let’s hold space for the more comfortable life they will have that’s even better than this one. It’s coming. So mote it be, and so it is.

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