Can’t (just) say no

Tonight, I agreed to meet up with the ex of the boy I was over the moon for, back in the day. With any luck, it will be uneventful. You know, for a change.

After I agreed, one of “his” songs came on Pandora. Funny how a song can PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE and render you useless for four minutes.

In any event, I got to looking at the event I was invited to this weekend that I turned down. I really wanted to go the last few years and never had anyone to go with. This year I have someone to go with, and I said no.

It got me to thinking about the boy I was over the moon for. He screwed it all up by pretending there was someone else. I didn’t believe it and, after I saw ol’ Whorothy on social media, I will always refuse to believe it.

But I got to thinking, after I gave a big excuse to get out of this weekend’s invite …

This is what nice people do. We give a reason. We don’t just politely decline. I mean, I DO but then they ASK AND ASK AND ASK and finally you just want to stick a cork in the conversation.

I mean, I wanted to know “why” with the original boy. Why act like you’ve got something better waiting when you don’t? And with this one, “no thanks” is fine but it always comes followed by “mind if I ask you why” and I’m not going to say what I am really thinking.

In any event, it’s such a lonely world. We all need people. But we all hold people at arm’s length. I guess the original boy didn’t want me to moon over him (although THAT ship sailed).

I feel the same way about this other one — he’s not very good about keeping his hands to himself and I am admittedly a drunken-maker-outer with very little discretion. So, why invite drama?

I even said this, that me and alcohol are not a good mix so let’s leave it at that. But it’s not enough of an answer. It never is. Just like “well there’s Whorothy” didn’t do shit to satisfy my “what in the actual fuck is wrong with you” line of questioning.

So anyway, alcohol tonight. With a female friend. Who will hopefully not mention the other boy. Because, I’ve thought of him enough today, thanks. For a lifetime, if you want to get technical. And I wouldn’t wish this feeling on anyone, even and especially if they felt it toward me.

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