‘Be a friend, Goddess.’ Well, ‘Be one back’


14 Fucks I Refuse to Give in 2014

“If I learned anything in 2013, it’s that love — the overwhelming, this-is-the-one kind, the love that makes you weak in the knees, if not slightly duller in the head — isn’t real. It exists outside of reality, in a world devoid of calories and Kardashians.

“I prefer the little loves. … Neglected nuances, subtle sincerity — that’s where love lives.”

My favorite was No. 12, about saving destructive relationships.

Last week I talked about how things sometimes just end, yet we find reasons to keep them on life support. Or dig them back up and see if maybe they’re still alive. Whether of our own morbid curiosity or because someone nudges us.

And with so many cases in the news right now about people who are dead but either they’re being kept alive because they’re pregnant (fucking Texas) or the California family that isn’t ready to let go of their daughter after a tonsillectomy basically killed her (although I blame medical incompetence. Because, reasons), that shows us: Dead is dead.

So after I blogged last week about how things just end sometimes, it pains me now to admit I let the random third party get into my head. And I followed the plea to “Be a Friend!” to someone who just didn’t show much interest in having me as one.

Look, I am That Girl. The one who gets scared about being friends with anyone in my professional field because it’s too tightly knit and your business is up for discussion.

Let me say this: I had great and interesting and certainly colorful histories with many people. I will love what we had (friendship or otherwise) for always.

And maybe I didn’t work hard enough to save some relationships. But I think I should get an A-plus and a Purple Heart for some others.

But … I’ve put a lot of distance between myself and my beloveds. Some for good reason, some out of laziness and some because I figured to let it go quietly and remember the beauty rather than what could have come next.

Besides, even if they really do care about you and want the best for you, which I believe for the most part, it’s a world where everything you say/do can/will be held against you. And in a world where your social connections are what make or break your career, it’s better to retain some mystery.

Again: Because, reasons.

And for the record, I DID try to step up and “Be a Friend” this week. And … crickets.

I told myself last year that I wouldn’t continue to try on this front. And I got happier. I really did. So to bring anything bad from 2013 into 2014, well, shame on me, I guess.

But you know what? I am not going to be mad at myself for taking every opportunity to be not only THE better person, but also A better person.

Here’s to everyone getting, being and doing better this year. And while I do believe we as a society and network of people all need each other, maybe we all need to expand those circles to get closer to where we’re going.

Here’s to new connections …

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