Bag of dicks

Yesterday I envisioned myself as Oprah. But I wasn’t giving out cars.

Nay, on my TV show I was instead yelling and pointing to everyone, “And you eat a bag of dicks! And YOU eat a bag of dicks! Everyone eats a bag of dicks!”

If today weren’t Saturday, I don’t think I’d be at home right now. I’d be in a maximum-security asylum. Or prison.


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