Asking for a friend

Did you ever send someone an e-mail listing someone else’s e-mail address incorrectly … and then want to create a new e-mail address rather than tell the recipient you typed it wrong because they will have yet another reason to be a jerk to you?

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Ever have someone try to tell you how to do something in YOUR specialty area, and you want to say, “Yo. I’ve been at this company longer than you’ve been IN THIS INDUSTRY. I got this.”

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Did you ever have someone tell you who their dream person is — or maybe who they’d want on their own little planet if they ever founded one — and you weren’t on it? Do you point out that their fantasy league is just that, or do you say truthfully, well, I wouldn’t want you to show up at my speed-dating table, either?

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Ever visit the FB page of the biggest whore in all the lands and want to ask WHAT ARE YOU THINKING posting pics that make you look a thousand years old (wait, she IS a thousand years old) and comments that make you sound like an incoherent mess? What if, say, old Whorothy made it possible to comment on her shit? Could you NOT?

Of course, what I really want to know is why everyone encourages her delusions …

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Did you ever throw away every copy ever written from the “Sweet Valley High” series — in MINT condition — and just wish you had them all back so you could curl up in your lost innocence and idolize Jessica while basking in the safety of being an Elizabeth in real life?

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