Am genius.

I was reading a piece in the Guardian this morning about a gal who’d lost 200-ish pounds freaking out on a guy who held the door for her.

She didn’t mean to lose it. But she was well-aware that two years ago, nobody would have held a door for her. She was a cool, fun, nice person her whole life. But it’s only now that she has a smaller ass that people are suddenly kind to HER.

Can I relate? You bet your shrinking ass I can. But I’d be thrilled if someone held a door for me. On the rare occasion it happens, it’s generally because it’s someone here on vacation rather than a native-ish Floridian.

I got to thinking how we suddenly can become someone else’s type when we lose weight. But even then, that’s not always enough.

A friend and I got to talking about “Girls” and I joked that he watches it to see Lena Dunham naked. And he very audibly reacted with horror. Which, whatever. I know that ain’t near his type.

But I look at her and see myself. In fact, about a 25-pound-lighter version. And I thought, welp, guess I’m still not attractive then since that’s kind of what I look like.

And of course, then I thought welp, for those who are interested and I don’t feel it back, maybe I can tell them to go watch “Girls” and whack off and pretend it’s me. That should get them over it right-quick.

Am genius, yes?

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