Alt-maternity leave

No, I’m not knocked up or anywhere close. But I did have a dream that I met a guy three or four years younger than me, and he wanted to have one kid and to do so right away. I said fine (!) as long as I didn’t have to go back to work. This from the girl who lived for her job. Go figure.

I’ve decided I’m on alt-maternity leave. Only now I have to wear a dress and drive 25 miles each way in rush-hour traffic to mind the farm. I’m sleep-deprived (thanks neighbors) and caffeine deprived (who the fuck can function without a Starbucks literally in their backyard?) and am redefining what daily productivity means.

Someone knock me up, please. But only if you’re rich and can take care of me …

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