50/50
The optimist in me will focus on the fact that the first half of the day was great.
All I will say is this.
It FIGURES that the second I have social plans that I actually accept and don’t ignore or avoid like the plague, I get to hear for three hours ALL ABOUT my Life Choices.
It’s the usual — working too many hours … doing my volunteer work, studying what happened in the markets for an hour-ish every night because I’m too busy during the day … being consumed by reality TV in the one hour of the day that I feel like I have to myself … picking the wrong men … being hurtful/disrespectful/just plain mean when I don’t give somebody any time or care about every precious word because I am overloaded.
Guilty on all counts.
I understand people are getting sicker by the minute and they are lonely and imprisoned in the house. They are not aware that I beg God every day to make their lives better and to bring the miracle of their healing. That all birthday wishes and most discretionary purchases are for them.
They have no idea all the times I thank God for the phenomenal cooking and the clean house and the emotional support that they can offer. That I know I am loved and that I am so lucky and I’d like to have that as long as I can.
I know it’s not enough but it’s all I can give right now.
And I will try very hard not to point out the obvious that their Life Choices have contributed to the here and now that crashes right into MY Life Choices.
I will *try* not to.
When it gets to this point, there is no “try” and I know it’s going to come out. With brute force.
I was just starting to enjoy my life a little more, too. Silly girl. Silly silly Goddess.