50 Shades of WTF

I saw the “Fifty Shades of Grey” movie. Which was actually really good. And I say this after HATING the book.

I got to thinking about one of my boys who has a similar, ah, appetite to mine.

I don’t mean “red room of pain” stuff. Rather, I’m saying, “Work hard, play hard.” That sort of thing.

Anyway, sounds like he’s with an ice queen. And refuses to leave the ice queen when there are, shall we say, warmer bodies available.

I got to thinking about him after the movie. First because he would probably be up for re-enacting the steamy movie scenes. (Well, not with ice queen. What a waste.)

But more shockingly, what I realized is that that girls like me who are up for just about anything … just aren’t marriage material.

Maybe that explains it all.

Helpless and mousy girls get rings. And if they withhold sex too? They keep their men for LIFE.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying they 100% “have” their men.

But men like that enjoy being friends with women like me. To give them hope, I guess.

We’re exciting. We’re unattainable. We’re what they always hoped existed, before they settled for what they got.

But they don’t want us.

They want the one who doesn’t “pretend” punish them. They want the ones who DO punish them — who make them truly and honestly wish they were never born.

That’s what keeps them coming … back for more.

I think I need to stop spanking them and start beating them up emotionally instead!

I mean I don’t think I’m capable of doing that. I’m not a Christian Grey. I’d rather be the book version of Anna (Dakota Johnson was too beautiful to play the role but damn did she rock it) — mousy, virginal, naive, underwhelming, forgettable — any old day.

Maybe then I’ll get my Grey …

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