I am the reason for pet rents and deposits

Because I am allowed to go out on our balcony all the time now (we're being evicted due to renovations and Mommy now suddenly doesn't give a shit about running the a/c and having the balcony doors open 'cause we ain't paying for electricity here and, besides, the apartment she's coveting doesn't happen to have a balcony -- the nerve! I hope she finds another place that does, but meh), I just assumed I could walk out the front door, too.

Last night, when the 'ho dragged her ass in around 11 p.m. (although at least she was out being social and it wasn't like when she drags her ass in around 8 or 9 on other nights because she's actually like working and shit), I walked right past her and went into the Great Beyond that is the little landing outside our door. She asked me to come in, but please, like I listen to reason -- I saw a clear path to the parking lot and wanted to go hang out with all the obnoxious teenagers who litter the roadways when psychotic assholes like Mommy come tearing into the complex at full speed with loud music.

And let me put it this way: Mommy was listening to country music when she pulled in last night (although she'll deny it to her death). But she did tell me a funny story about some nitwit in the complex cruising by, trying to leer at her and pick her up and shit, and what hot, new hit was he playing on his stereo, you ask? "The Electric Slide."

Yeah, this place is ghetto like that. :)

In any event, lest some tomcat with a tin ear try to cozy up to me, I did come back inside pretty quickly. Mommy needs to move me to a more upscale neighborhood before I go out lookin' for some tail. :)

Anyway, Mommy looked at my litterbox last night and was not pleased. See, she bought this expensive food for us that is for sensitive systems, as I shit my brains out and she doesn't think I can afford to spare any more 'cause I've done a LOT of shitting in my 9 years. And I left the biggest, wettest, steamiest, stankiest, bloodiest pile of shit on top of the litter for her to admire. I was rather proud, but she was worried and changed food on me again if the so-called sensitive shit, well, makes my sensitive ass shit like that.

But that's not the news. The news is that Mommy has decided that I must be a male cat (honey, I'm ALL pussy!) because I like to take a shit and leave it on display for all the world to admire.

Heh, well the bitch really wants our next place to have hardwood floors for the sole reason that I cannot wipe my ass on them. True dat, but nothing will stop me from simply shitting on them and wiping my ass on the new curtains I saw hiding in the closet that she wants to put up when we move. ;)