Shittamon

Subtitle: I crap in a hallway

Everybody in the house is high and delirious from the fumes from the Glade Cinnamon Sticks scented spray that Mommy nuked the house with just now. She is very upset with me because I crapped in the bathroom ... just not mine.

Mommy graciously changed our litterbox today -- Grandma had sent her money to buy me turkey with, but she spent it on litter 'cause our booties were stankin' something fierce. And she decided to move the box next to an electrical outlet so that it would be near a plug-in air freshener.

Well, I knew it was moved, but I thought it was time for me to learn how to use the big-girl litterbox. Problem is, I didn't make it that far. So I took a luxuriously steaming shit-of-a-lifetime in the doorway just outside the bathroom. And I made sure to do it on the carpet so that I could wipe my butt immediately after I finished my business.

Mommy was on the phone with Grandma, and she was gagging up her 39-cent burrito that she had for Thanksgiving dinner tonight because she's poor (although said burrito might just make Mommy crap in the same spot, too! Mommy might just feel guilty later on that she was so mean to me. Bitch). She speedily cleaned up the crap and Grandma got sick just listening to her throw up her burrito in her mouth as she treated the stain.

Speaking of stains, I gave Mommy the ultimate Hershey kiss this morning. She was lying on the couch, with her usual vacant stare on her face, and I decided to curl up in the crook of her arm. Mommy told me I stunk (stupid bitch) but let me lie there for awhile. Finally, I got bored and wanted to see if some food might have appeared in my Garfield porcelain dish (it hadn't), and Mommy complained that she could still smell me. She lay there for awhile before noticing that the reason she still smelled my shitty ass was because I had left a big wet shit print on the inside of her elbow. Hah! Maddie's kisses are the kind that keep on giving!

I was very upset that she ran into the shower to wash off my kiss. Dumb cunt. I give her so many gifts of shit and more shit, yet she gets so fucking apeshit. I imagine if she would just shit more herself, then she would understand the joy it brings. Perhaps she is merely jealous of my bountiful bowels.