Aunt Tiff! Where are you?

Not only did Mommy burrito my ass into my tiny lil cage, and not only did she move all my stuff to a new place, and not only did she bring ol' Short Bus into MY space, but she somehow managed to LOSE Aunt Tiff!!

Dumb bitch.

Poor Aunt Tiff. How she must miss my velvety fur on all her favorite black clothes. I miss trying to sneak into her room to hide behind her chair. She called me "Pudge Bucket," I called her "Asshole." We had a beautiful relationship. Unlike Short Bus, she didn't eat my food, or poop in my box, or attack me. Except for that time with the kitty comb. Bitch.

But she did have this strange preference for petting her laptop. I used to try to push her hands off it, to remind her that I am the cat and she should have been petting me, but she kept insisting on petting that silly computer...

She must have been riveted to my blog. Asshole.

Come back, Aunt Tiff! Come back!