I Crap In a Box

I'm Maddie, a fabulous foul-mouthed Calico from Washington, D.C. I sleep, whine and poop a lot. Swearing like a sailor and vomiting like a supermodel round out my typical day. Tormenting my sister also warms my heart!

Thursday, August 07, 2003

New house!

The bitch otherwise known as Mommy stuffed me into my lil cage yesterday and dragged me down I-395 to our new home on Seminary Road. Luckily, it was a short ride, and I kept quiet so she could concentrate on following Aunt Daddy and leading Aunt Paul and Aunt Bryan in the big bad moving truck.

Mommy strapped her computer in with a seatbelt, and did you THINK she would have had the same concern for her poor little unbuckled kitty in the backseat? Asshole!

Mommy and Aunt Daddy had a great time laughing at me. She kept me in her big walk-in closet (in my cage!) while everybody moved our furniture into our abode, and when she wanted to see me again, she opened the front of the cage so I could walk out. But I didn't. I had my ass pointed at the cage door, so Mommy thought she'd be cute and try to dump me out. But that didn't work, as I held on tight by my legs and my fat furry ass. She lifted the cage high above her head, but I still refused to budge. So finally, put let the cage down a little bit closer to the floor and she managed to rock it enough so I would slide out.

Then she took me out for all to admire me, which I loved ... for a minute. Aunt Dave, as usual, refused to come near me 'cuz he says cats don't like him. Paul and Bryan and Daddy all petted me for awhile, but then they started remarking on what a fatass I am. Fuckers! When Mommy put me down, I left a big cloud of fur all over them and hightailed it to the bathroom, where I hung out under the toilet until the boys left. Skinny little fuckers (who like boys!) -- they wouldn't know a good pussy if they fell over one!

I swear, our moving endeavor was like "Queer Eye for the Fag Hag." :)

I understand my new little sister arrives tonight. I plan to show her who's boss, don't you worry. But for cripes' sake, Mommy, how much trauma can you possibly inflict on me in 48 hours?!?!?


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