Tie me up, tie me down

Mommy came home tonight with a surprise for me.

She bought me a cat leash. She has this ridiculous idea that she is going to take moi out walking.

Bitch. As if. She knows I don't do anything except eat, sleep, and poop. Oh, and vomit when I'm feeling especially motivated.

I am a very unimpressed puss. She clipped the stupid thing onto my pretty little rhinestone collar, with the cute little bell and nametag, and just to show her how mad I was, I sat my pudgy ass down and faced the other way. There's no way she's movin' this little calico kitty. I didn't look at her, not even once, no matter how much she jiggled that damn leash.

This is so undignified. I am far too dainty to be going outside in this oppressive DC heat to do something so menial as walking. Doesn't that bitch know she's supposed to carry me everywhere we go?

So tonight, I shall poop in her eye as she sleeps. That'll teach her to tie me up. Dumb bitch.